Bruce: I hope you realize you've just committed assault.
Henry Desalvo: I know, I know. Time was, you actually had to hit somebody.
Frankie Delano: You ever read this book?
Bruno: Have I ever read that book? Not only does that insult my intelligence but it insults my ignorance. Why would a man like me, who happens to like himself, be caught dead reading a bit of boy toy fluff like that?
Frankie Delano: Because it's a killer.
Adina: I have a FAT ass.
Eddie Griffin: You know, high school's a lot like prison. Bad food, high fences. The sex you want you ain't gettin', and the sex you getting you don't want.
Marty Wolf: First lesson in Hollywood, sweetheart: Always get it in writing.
Ali G: Sorry I iz late, bu dere was a documentry on about monkeys.
Tracey Reynolds: Calvin, I think you should stick to basketball. You know why? You can't rap.
Steve Irwin: Didja see that?
Buttercup: Get your hands off him, you darn dirty ape.
Harlan: That's the one who busted up my trailer.
Chris McCormick: Shh.
Harlan: I bet you he's their leader.
Eddie: This is football we're talking about here, which you call bananas and you're reluctant to play it. But you play baseball, the World Series. You've won every year, America's won every year in that. Well done America.
Dave: Your mama's got no teeth and that's perfect for her line of work.
Justine: Gwen says smoking marijuana lowers your sperm.
Phil Last: Lowers it to where?
Justine: Maybe you're the infertile one around here. Maybe every time you smoke a little doobie, you're killing our unborn children.
Nadine: I read somewhere once that everything in life happens in threes. And that there are two kinds of people, the ones that think three's the charm and the ones that think in three strikes you're out.
Alan A. Allen: I am an inventor, Patrick. An inventor of machines.
D.H. Banes: Mimi. GET OFF THE maid.
Randolph Grady: You know, I could help you study.
Starla Grady: Yeah and what's the catch?
Randolph Grady: No catch, you just gotta be nice to me for the rest of my life.
Starla Grady: Ha! I should have known you'd exploit this for emotional blackmail. That's just mean you... user.