Akash Malhotra: Dad, there is more to life than just signing checks.
Akash's father: Really... What is that?
Akash Malhotra: I don't know, but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know.
Lance Barton: I got roaches. Who here got roaches?
Man in Audience: Everybody got roaches, man. It's Harlem.
Amy Mandell: The primary difference between a man and a woman is that man gets his self-esteem when a woman says yes and a women gets hers when she says no.
Count Thibault: You are lionhearted, Julia, like the women of your lineage. You have courage.
Steve Meyers: What do you think of a moral victory?
Anna Redmond: A moral victory sounds good.
Kate Westbourne: You know, sometimes you don't even act like you're my son, Wesley.
Wesley Westbourne: Sometimes you don't even act like you're my mother.
Kate Westbourne: Oh, come on, I've given you everything a child could want. Toys, love, publicity.
Archie: Uh-oh! Uh-oh.
Dr. Dolittle: Uh-oh, what? What's the problem?
Archie: Ice cream is acting up.
Dr. Dolittle: What ice cream?
Archie: I got depressed after Sonny and Ava, and I went on a bender. And by the second gallon, I realised I'm in love with Ava and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia."
Maurice 'Momo': We were here in the 80's to watch the Russians. I can't tell you the trouble we made.
Hubert Fiorentini: That's right you can't, now try to keep your mouth shut for 5 minutes.
Stu Miley: The woman I love is living with a horny little monkey that looks like me.
Kitty: What a lucky girl.
Eric: Love may not make the world go round, but it makes the ride worth while.