Troy Dyer: I've wanted you like this for all these years.
Officer Sam 'Mad Dog' Shaw: Where you guys from, Texas?
Pepper: Texas? Ain't no real cowboys from Texas, we're from New Mexico.
Uncle Joe: Would you mind going to the market, we're out of Oreos.
Molly: Well, we wouldn't be out of Oreos, would we, if someone hadn't sucked out all of the insides and tossed the rest away, you naughty boy.
Uncle Joe: I'm old and I'm rich. I can eat whatever parts I want. If I want to eat the goddamn box, I'll eat the goddamn box.
Alan Tyler: He's afraid of tuna-fish sandwiches.
Claire Tyler: Mercury levels in the tuna-fish sandwiches.
Rube Baker: Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster.
Rudy Zolteck: That's it, I'm leaving the country. I'm moving to New Mexico.
Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.
Grandpa Mori Shintaro: Before you go to Japan, you will be tested on the field of battle. Remember, four strands of rope, apart you can snap, but together you can be strong, now get out there and kick butt.
George Knox: You're Roger's mom?
Maggie Nelson: Nope.
George Knox: Aunt? Grandma?
Maggie Nelson: No, we're not related. This is a short-term foster care facility, I run it. Roger is a ward of the state.
George Knox: I see. So Roger, he's got a wild imagination? Always coming up with stories?
Maggie Nelson: No actually, he's very grounded. Truth is most kids who are taken away from their parents by the court system, have a good handle on reality.
Maverick: My old pappy always used to say, "there is no more deeply satisfying religious experience... than cheatin' on a cheater."
Zane Cooper: I never said that once. You've been misquoting me all your life.
Maverick: What, we're going to quibble over fine points?
Zane Cooper: You never even get close. Give me some credit.
Serge: Now, one thing's very important. At the survival boutiqua, I feel that it's my personality, that's it's my philosophy that everything must conform to the three P's, OK? Which is, protection. Prestige. And pretty. I mean, why should you look ugly if you're just trying to survive?
Alex Law: Look over there! It's Cameron.
Juliet Miller: Who?
Alex Law: Cameron. You remember Cameron.
Juliet Miller: No, I don't.
Alex Law: What's he doing here?
Juliet Miller: That's not him.
Alex Law: It is. Cameron! Cameron! Come on over here! Come on.
Cameron: What?
Alex Law: Nothing. We thought you were someone else. Good luck. (Cameron leaves.) I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
Cliff Spab: I'd like to live forever... but only for a little while.
Michael McDougal: This is great! This is great! It writes like butter. I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen.
Fred Flintstone: I'm only one man.
Barney Rubble: Not from the back.
Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
Clifford: You wouldn't lie to me, would you Uncle Martin? 'Cause if you did I'd be so angry I don't know what I'd do.
Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry.
David Shayne: How'd you know what I drank?
Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.