Laura Jackson: What a stupid idiot.
Jed Clampett: Did you say something, ma'am?
Laura Jackson: What a stupendous intellect.
Jethro: That's cause I "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years.
Max Goldman: If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.
Larry Lipton: Claustrophobia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot.
Nancy Archer: Missed me?
Harry Archer: I don't suppose you want to hear my side of this?
Bonnie: He's not afraid of losing. He's afraid of losing your love. How many ball players grow up afraid of losing their fathers' love every time they come up to the plate?
Fred: All of them.
Bonnie: He knows you disapprove of him. He knows you think he's weak. But he's not weak. He's decent. And if you or Bruce or anyone else tries to beat that out of him, I swear to God I'll take him away.
James Wright: How many Beatles are there?
Kyle Davidson: Three... and Ringo.
Michael Chapman: I turned Angela from a pickpocket into a star into a shoplifter.
Mikey Ubriacco: Stop brushing her, Julie. She already looks like a Q-tip.
Julie Ubriacco: Your dog smells like a diaper.
Mikey Ubriacco: Does not.
Julie Ubriacco: Diaper dog! Diaper dog.
Mikey Ubriacco: Q-tip head dog.
Julie Ubriacco: Stinky dog.
Mikey Ubriacco: Bald-butted dog.
Doug Ireland: Nothing's impossible Albert. Impossible just takes a couple extra phone calls.
Athletic Cone: I have learned much from watching the Garthok battle. It has weaknesses. I believe I can take it.
Beldar Conehead: Uh-huh. And let me know when Elvis gets here.