Sadie Ratliff: You're in America now. Speak American.
Mac: Are we limp and hard to manage?
Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: And in the end, I realised that I took more than I gave, I was trusted more than I trusted, and I was loved more than I loved. And what I was looking for was not to be found but to be made.
Alice Baxter: Maybe now would be a good time to go over what you expect of me.
Tess McGill: I expect you to call me Tess. I don't expect you to fetch me coffee unless you're getting some for yourself. And the rest we'll just make up as we go along.
Vincent: Women love men who are mysterious and devious, keeps them on their toes, it excites them. You know what I mean?
Julius: No.
Vincent: You do like women?
Julius: Oh, very much so. They're strange and sensitive. They have compassion. I have the highest respect for women.
Vincent: You're a virgin!
Julius: That's private.
Vincent: A 230-pound virgin.
Elizabeth Farmer: I'm convinced that our marriage has been one of mutual betrayals. I know it! you know it! Even Yellow Dog knows it.
Andy Farmer: I know it and you know it. Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he's in.
Kid: That's an iguana. It's real big lizard. You can eat it, but it tastes like shit. Right, Mick?
Ruby: Most people our age are a pain in the ass.
Bernie: Most people our age are dead.
King of the Moon: I think, therefore you is.
Brenda: Joey, I'm not into dead guys.
Ernest: I have lived my life in the fast lane.
Peter Loew: I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire.
Colonel: This is our coordinator, Maj. Murphy Black. Multi-decorated field officer, better known as "Killzone."
Mascher: Why do they have nicknames?
Colonel: You should know what the group is called. "BAM."
Mascher: BAM?
Colonel: Big Ass Motherfuckers.
Sgt. Moses Hightower: Sir, I realize this is your jurisdiction. But if there is a rescue attempt, we would like to volunteer.
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Commissioner Murdock, I couldn't agree more. I think it is vital that the rescues know Commandant Lassard intimately. Now, I can vouch for the abilities of these officers. After all, I trained them myself.
Sgt. Larvell Jones: Must be the drugs.
Marshall: [as Charlie] She gets back this weekend. If we don't resolve this, I'll have to go back and live with her again. This is the woman I couldn't live with as a husband. Now, I'm going to be her son. It's a Freudian nightmare.
Angela de Marco: I've got to help Joey with his homework. He's having a lot of trouble in school.
Connie Russo: Of course he's having trouble at school, he hangs out with Tony Jr. Face it, these boys are never going to be Einstein.
Art Ridzik: About this pile-of-shit pimp in here. In this country, we try to protect the rights of individuals. It's called the Miranda Act, and it says that you can't even touch his ass.
Ivan Danko: I do not want to touch his ass. I want to make him talk.