Sam Callahan: Will you explain to me about women?
Lydia Callahan: Women are right, men are wrong, and that's all you need to know.
Bennett: I once heard someone say: "When you dim your light, so that someone else can shine, the whole world gets darker."
Ben: Are you gay, or are you just acting gay?
Robert: Well, that depends, are you interested are are you just acting interested?
Lily, Burnetts Grand Daughter: Magic Railroad?
Mr. C. Junior: Whatever.
Al: Yeah dad, she's perfect for me.
Hunter: Buddy, if you're lookin' at me for answers - I'm flattered but, uh - you've come to the wrong place.
Banner in the back of Stanley's van: I'm the guy your mother warned you about.
Dora Diamond: Well, you know how there are couples that stay together just because they feel like they can't do any better, or there are people who are sad and miserable and live alone? But then there's this microscopically teeny group of luck people who get to be with the person they're madly in love with.
Paul Tannek: Dora, you ever consider being in love and leaving out the "madly" part?
Dora Diamond: Well, what's the fun in that?
Rubin: It's supposed to be a challenge, that's why they call it a shortcut. If it was easy it would just be the way.
Bree Davis: You see women all day, every day. How do they keep from just runnin' together?
Dr. Sullivan "Sully" Travis, "Dr. T": I think every single woman I've ever met has got somethin' special about her, somethin' that sets her apart from the rest.
Bree Davis: Well, if a gynecologist says there's no two alike, I guess there's no two alike.
Jack Byrnes: Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for this type of security.
Beret Girl: Max, Max, Max. Admit defeat, and defeat will surely admit you into permanent custody, my man.
Ryan: I like that you look nervous sometimes for no reason. And when you do, you bite your lip. I like that you probably... rifled through your closet tonight... and settled with what you started out with. I like your smile.
Betty Sizemore: He also works at Loma Vista.
Chief Nurse Iris Foster: What is that?
Betty Sizemore: It's the real pretty area, with the palm trees out front and the mountains in the background.
Chief Nurse Iris Foster: You have just described all of southern California.
Sheila: Well Mr. Phipps, you are in perilous danger of turning me back into a heterosexual.
Vanessa: I just wanna know where I belong.
Mona Hibbard: You belong in the family box.
Mr. Boggs: Woah! What the hell are these?
Sean Dawkins: Those are my nuts.
Mr. Boggs: Wouldn't you like to be on the other side of this search?
Sean Dawkins: You want me to grab your nuts?
Matthew: Enter the fuckin' dragon.
Matthew: Isn't American cheese appropriately named? You know, it's fake and processed, just like America.
Joseph Turner White: You believe that?
Ann Black: I do if you do.
Joseph Turner White: But it's absurd.
Ann Black: So is our electoral process. But we still vote.