Francesco Dellamorte: Go away! I haven't got time for the living.
Tim: Shit! What the hell are those?
Azro: They tooked everything! She took the TV. She even took my frickin' food.
Kitty Potter: This is fucking fruitcake time. I mean - is that fashion, is it? I mean is there a message out there? I mean you got lot of naked people wandering around here.
Raphael: Oh no, he's turning into that opera guy again.
Claudette: I've told you, not to bother me before a show, or after a show. Or, at home in my bedroom, when I'm thinking about a show.
Buddy: You're happy. I hate that.
Norville: You know, for kids.
Maurice L. Pogue: It's so nice seeing all your faces here: John and Susan and Mary and Fred and Ethel, Little Ricky.
Photographer #1: Whose crazy idea was it to bury him in the cape?
Photographer #2: I heard it was in the will. It was how he wanted to be remembered.
Frank Wheeler: Which brings us to... intercourse! Can I have a volunteer?
Terry McKay: I guess I'm happy when I don't want to be anywhere else but where I am.
Dr. Alex Hesse: I'm all woman.
Jack Hammond: That's the question on the minds of all your viewers? Whether I run out of gas or not? Tell you what, Jer. You let your viewers know that I hope Miss Voss' fear and my desperation are entertainment enough for them. After all, that is what this is all about, isn't it? The story. As it breaks. Live. Coming to you from the bad guy himself. I mean we wouldn't want your viewers to change the fucking channel, now, would we?
John Slade: The name's Slade.
Julian Rogers: Super. Here's an idea. Why don't you spell it out for me so I can get it right on your tombstone.
Herbert Cadbury: Never mess with a man with sensitive teeth.
Molly: My daddy doesn't think she's in heaven.
Corrina Washington: Well, that's probably just because your daddy is so jealous of the angels. He's so jealous, he can't even stand to think about those angels who get to play with your mommy all day long. And he's hurting just like you're hurting, and you're going to hurt for a long time. Every day it'll get a little better, but you'll always miss your mommy, and that's okay.
Senior in restaurant #1: If you have job, you wear the pants.
Bernadette: What a nice dog. What's it's name?
Bob: Herpes. If she's good, she'll heal.