Tree House of Horror III: The Simpson's Halloween Special III - S4-E5
Carl: Hey, I heard we're going to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes, but they're not so big.
[A young Ned Flanders is tormenting other kids.]
Flanders: Wee, I'm Dick Tracy. Bam! Take that Pruneface. Now I'm Pruneface, take that Dick Tracy. Now I'm Prune Tracy, take that Dick Fa...
Dr. Foster: Ned, stop it at once.
The Computer Wore Menace Shoes - S12-E6
Agnes: Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies?
Principal Skinner: No, mother.
Agnes: You sissy.
The Trouble With Trillions - S9-E20
IRS Agent: Mr. Simpson, this government computer can process over nine tax returns per day. Did you really think you could fool it?
Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausage in that syrup Homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uh, Dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room!
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad?
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you barbecue-wrecking know-nothing know-it-all.
Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore - S15-E12
Groundskeeper Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots. Or Welshmen and Scots. Or Japanese and Scots. Or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland!
Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life.
Treehouse of Horror XIII - S14-E1
Zombie Billy the Kid: Now I'd like you to meet the Hole in the Ground gang: Frank and Jesse James. The Sundance Kid.
Comic Book Guy: What happened to Butch Cassidy?
Zombie Sundance Kid: "What happened to Butch Cassidy?" We're not joined at the hip, you know.
Zombie Billy the Kid: And the most evil German of all time: Kaiser Wilhelm.
[Everyone is confused]
Zombie Frank James: He ain't a cowboy!
Zombie Kaiser Wilhelm: Sure I am. Yippee. Whippee. Whippee.
Zombie Frank James: Okay, he's in.
Treehouse of Horror XIII - S14-E1
Zombie Billy the Kid: [to Homer] Play us some piani. [Homer begins playing "Fur Elise" and Billy the Kid fires his guns in response] That's piano, I said piani! [Homer begins playing some honky tonk].
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (2) - S7-E1
Chief Wiggum: This bullet matches the one we took out of Burns. Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for attempted murder.
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, that's what they all say. They all say "D'oh."
Bart: Oh, I'm starving. Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get Communion wafers and booze?
The Simpsons Christmas Special: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire - S1-E1
Marge: You will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas.
Homer: Yeah, if you want one you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance.
Tony Hawk: Hey, Blink 182! Crank it up!
Tom DeLonge We have names, y'know!
Tony Hawk: Whatever.
Mark Hoppus: Man, let's trash this place.
Travis Barker: After we get paid.
Mark Hoppus: Nice.
