Ryan Dunn: I'm Ryan Dunn, and I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl.
Johnny Knoxville: There's no such thing as failure, Steve-O... One thing I know, is good tightrope walking.
Johnny Knoxville: I was Lon Chaney's lover.
Shopkeeper: Go back and love him.
Ryan Dunn: I'm not too excited about this skit, it's not my favorite I've ever done, because there's a toy car in my butt. But this is the "Butt X-Ray."
Steve-O: We wanted to see if you would run.
Ryan Dunn: I'm not running anywhere with a toy car shoved up my butt.
Ryan Dunn: So how did a car toy get there?
Cuban-dude doctor: Maybe you stuck it up your ass.
Bam Margera: Look at Phil's tummy.
Bam Margera: Whose dick do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?
Ryan Dunn: I'm surrounded by cacti, for fuck's sake... IT'S cacti.
Steve-O: It's cactus.
Ryan Dunn: Whatever it is, it hurts.
Johnny Knoxville: I think I'm a little concussed.
Chris Pontius: Wait a minute. I already know my fortune, it's partying.
Johnny Knoxville: You little bastard.
Chris Pontius: Hi, I'm Bunny the Lifeguard, any of these alligators try to ruin our swimming, I'm gonna wrestle them down, and probably have my way with them.
Ryan Dunn: What a dumbass idea! I'm surrounded by cacti, for fuck's sake.
Spike Jonze: Offscreen It's cactus.
Ryan Dunn: It's cacti! Whatever it is it hurts.
Ryan Dunn: Knoxville knocked my nuts in half.
Bam Margera: Now these rocket skates are going to be a little different than the last.
Johnny Knoxville: You using different bottle rockets?
Bam Margera: Nope. Just more of 'em.
Johnny Knoxville: Is this the worst you've ever had to go boom-boom?
Dave England: No man. I shit my pants at the fair.
Bam Margera: This is Sweaty Fat Fucks.
Johnny Knoxville: That had bad news written all over it.
Bam Margera: Dunn can't drive for shit.
Man: We have many... What the hell you doin?
Dave England: I'm sorry. I'm almost done.
Man: I hope you ain't takin' a shit in that sonfabitch.
Answer: Yes, there is a very lengthy and intricate stunt done called the Perfect Ending or something like that. You have to view the extra features on the Jackass DVD to see it.
William Bergquist