Louis Winthorpe III: He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.
Emma Horton: Some people say Des Moines is the best city in Iowa.
Betty: When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.
Yellowbeard: Does he know about this?
Betty: Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.
Donald Quinelle: I'm sorry I'm gonna have to blow a large hole in your skivvy heart.
Little Enos: I'd like to kick your ass.
Buford T. Justice: You can't kick that high, cricket crotch.
Dr. Frank Bryant: Found a culture, have you Rita? Found a better song to sing? No, you found a different song to sing, and on your lips it's shrill and hollow and tuneless.
Man in Bar: Come on, damnit, we wanna hear a cluck.
Stroker Ace: Who gives a cluck?
Clifford Skridlow: Nothing can destroy the Doctor.
Randy: That techno-rock you guys listen to is gutless.
Joseph Rutter: If you're half the leader I think you are.
King Vidiot: I am half the leader you think I am!
Doug McKenzie: I am your father, Luke. Give in to the dark side of the force, you knob.
Bob McKenzie: He saw Jedi 17 times, eh.
Dolores: The Complete Poems of John Lillison, England's greatest one-armed poet.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: He wrote 'In Dillman's Grove' and 'Pointy Birds.' O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, anoint my head, anointy-nointy.