Otto: You know we don't stand a chance. Why not surrender?
Capt. Hermann Musk: You know what would happen if we do.
Otto: Do we deserve any better?
Capt. Hermann Musk: Otto, I'm not a Nazi.
Otto: No, you're worse. Lousy officers. You went along with it all, even though you knew who was in charge. Hermann.
Matt: I just haven't been with that many girls.
Vivian: I'm a real good teacher.
Congressman Phil Burton: I'll introduce a bill. But if all the angels came dancing down to earth like the Rockettes, even they couldn't get a dime out of this administration for anything with the name "gay" on it.
Barney Cousins: You don't care if she's alive or dead anymore.
Jeff Harriman: Yes I do.
Jeff Harriman: No you don't. You're just scared that without the search you won't know who you are. Who is Jeff Harriman, if he's not the guy looking for Diane? Can you really walk away from finally knowing the answer?
Grandma Georgiana: Your mama had to go away for a while.
Young Anna Mae Bullock: When is she coming back to get me?
Grandma Georgiana: She ain't, honey. She just ain't.
Cliff Murdoch: I just figured out why the Cubs lose every year. They've got more talent in the stands than they do in the field.
Euripides: Yeah, yeah, I'm lickin' your balls, best balls I ever had. Uh-huh, you've got King-Kong balls. Your balls are so large, just big balls, I don't care. You just got big balls.
Jimmy Detillo: Did you get fucked? Because Tommy's made a living out of fucking his partners.
Beatrice: He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man. And he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man - I am not for him.
Maggie: How about you kiss my ass right in the crack?
Giddy: ...did you know it could be dangerous to wake somebody up when they're dreaming, well, because you leave part of your brain behind. And if it happens too many times, you go feeble in the head.
Sheela: Yeah. You're living proof.
Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: What just happened here?
Jeff Blue: I'd say it was a domestic disturbance.
Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: A domestic disturbance?
Jeff Blue: Yeah like on the Honeymooners. You remember how Ralph used to fight with Alice.
Det. Sgt. Halsey: I don't recollect Ralph using semi-automatic weapons.
Jane Blue: But Norton sometimes did. And Mrs. Manacotti on the third floor, wow what a temper.
Louis Stevens: Can you turn that music... up?
Jack Grimaldi: I try to stop thinking. Try to get my head straight. If I could just get my head straight... then everything would be all right.
Jesse: So how much are they payin' you to be my jailer?
Glenn Greenwood: Jailer? Heh, well, I'm makin' such a great deal on you, you wouldn't believe it. You're a regular cash cow, kid. With that, plus $1,000,000, I could probably retire by the time I'm 300 years old.
Laura Klein: Why didn't you call and say you were alive?
Max Klein: I thought I was dead.