Young Winnie: Hey! Hey, Fellatio! Got a match? Well, I do! Your face and my ass! Your breath made of buffalo farts.
David Labraccio: Do I know you?
Young Winnie: You don't know jack-shit! Butt-wipe! Needle-dick! Cock-bite! Jack-off! Limp-wrist! Corn-hole! Banana-breath! Shit-bird! Bird-turd! Turd-face! Kiss-ass! Brown-nose! Macho wimp! Limp dick! Fart-face! Tire merchant! What's the matter? Gonna cry? Come on, Crybaby Davie! Cry! Cry! Cry! Shit-face! Rat-turd! Ass-licking son of a bitch.
Susie Waggoner: ...And you save your money... and buy a nice little house, with a white picket fence, and live happily ever after.
Frederick J. Frenger Jr.: Tell you what. Let's go straight to the "happily ever after" part, OK?
Loomis: You aren't going to hit me again are you?
Grimm: I haven't hit anybody since I was nine.
Loomis: Yeah, but it was me you hit.
Elliot Hopper: Cancel the 5.
Carol: Oh, no! You can't cancel the 5.
Elliot Hopper: Then put the 5 at 4, and then cancel at 4.
Bobby Peru: Sing. Don't cry.
Guildenstern: I think I have it: A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself.
Rosencrantz: Or just as mad.
Guildenstern: Or just as mad.
Rosencrantz: And he does both.
Guildenstern: So there you are.
Rosencrantz: Stark, raving sane.
Father Luke Brophy: She has an unGodly voice, maniacal facial expressions.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: That doesn't prove a thing, she could be related to Joe Cocker.
Father Luke Brophy: No.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Could it be she had PMS?
Isaak Perel - Salomons brother: It is written that a son never leaves his parents in difficult times.
Solomon's Father: It is also written that the son must obey his parents. And it is also your duty to watch over your brother.
D.A. Mark Calhoun: Lots of kids with lives like Amanda grow up to become doctors. Now she made a choice. I don't want to see anybody die.
Rick Jarmin: I haven't had a girlfriend for 5 years.
Marianne Graves: Really?
Rick: Yeah - Mr. Wiggly's been on bread and water for 5 years.
Sunburn: Huh. Talking looking glasses, tricky queens, secret doors. This place burns me up.
MSgt. Otis V. McKinney: We'll talk again. I believe tomorrow morning you'll find you've got a team, want one or not.
Pfc. Franklin Fairchild Bean: I will not.
MSgt. Otis V. McKinney: I will not, sergeant! That's a gig, Lamar.
Cpl. Harold Lamar: Gig for Bean.
MSgt. Otis V. McKinney: And gigs mean trouble.
Doris: So, how long have you known Suzanne?
Jack: Oh, about a month. Seems like longer, though.
Doris: I know what you mean. I'm her mother and it seems longer.
Army Officer: Mr. Singer. What an appropriate name for a man who can't keep his mouth shut.
Nicholas: This guy's lying - he's a train robber.
Caulfield: What would I want with a train?
Napoleon Stone: You are dancing around with a cheeseburger.
Kathy: You may think phone service stinks since deregulation, but don't mess with us, because we're all you've got. In fact, if we fold, you'll have no damn phones. AT&T - we're tired of taking your crap.
Mollie Ubriacco: See, Mikey, Mommy is a girl so she doesn't have a penis.
James Ubriacco: But she's got some set of balls.
Bobby Duran: How many times have you lost everything Jack?