Heather Chandler: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?
Veronica Sawyer: How very.
Veronica Sawyer: Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn.
Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock: I'd like that.
Veronica Sawyer: Yeah. Me too.
Veronica Sawyer: Get a job.
Heather Chandler: They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.
Veronica's Mom: When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings.
J.D.: Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and aids jokes.
Kurt Kelly: It'd be so righteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer/Heather Chandler sandwich. Punch it in, Ram.
Ram Sweeney: Oh, hell yes. I wanna set a Heather on my Johnson and just start spinnin' her around like a goddamn pinwheel.
Veronica Sawyer: Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town.
Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.
Pauline Fleming: I think it's a good opportunity to share the... feelings that this suicide has spurred in all of us. Now, who would like to begin?
Female Stoner: I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked down a bowl of multi-purpose deodorizing disinfectant, and then smash.
Pauline Fleming: Now Tracey, let's not rehash the coroner's report. Let's talk emotions.
Courtney: If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent.
Veronica Sawyer: You're beautiful.
Veronica Sawyer: What the fuck?
Rodney: Ok, now I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly but he said that he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night.
Veronica Sawyer: Ew! That son of a bitch.
Veronica Sawyer: This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.
Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count.
Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.
Veronica Sawyer: Yeah? I just got back.
Heather McNamara: It's your turn Heather.
Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather?
Heather Duke: Sorry Heather.
Veronica Sawyer: You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel you're fucking psychotic.
J.D.: You say 'toh-may-toe', I say 'toe-mah-toh.
Veronica Sawyer: Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that funeral.
Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.
J.D.: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.
Answer: People who were bullied by Heather, Kurt, and Ram might feel better because of the faked suicides: they believe that the bullies were actually struggling with issues. As one boy says, he now thinks that Heather quit dating him because she was dissatisfied with her own life, not because he wasn't good enough. In the locker rooms, a girl tells Veronica that she thought Heather was just a bitch, but "guess I was wrong."