Champ Kind: Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: O, I'm sorry champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
Veronica Corningstone: For the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.
Ron Burgundy: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am hung over.
Champ Kind: I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland: I ate a big, red candle.
Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?
Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.
Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love.
Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?
Brian Fantana: Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.
[Arguing against women in the newsroom.]
Brick Tamland: I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Ed Harken: Dammit! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?
Answer: El Jarabe TapatÃo - The Mexican Hat Dance.