Murphy Bivens: I'll see you in the sequel, bitch.
Reverend Frank: By the power of God and the minister of National Security and Justice of Ocho Rios, Jamaica... I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Turner Claymore: Here at Berm-Tech we offer you a handshake, whether you have hands, hooks, or flippers.
April Epner: There is a Jewish story, an ordinary Jewish joke. A father was teaching his little son to be less afraid, to have more courage. "Jump," he said, "and I'll catch you." And the little boy trusted him, and the little boy jumped. And when his father caught him, he felt filled with love. And when he didn't, he was filled with something else, something... more: life. Amen.
Hertz: Come on, Smith, come on, guns don't kill people - but they sure help.
Marion: It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that it's over, that I'll never see him again like this... Well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can't live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses.
Mackenzie Carpenter: Lenny couldn't find his ass with both hands.
Mindy: Oh, honey, it's OK. A lot could happen in 6 months.
Stan Minton: What's gonna happen, Wendy? Is my anus gonna grow teeth?
Glen the Desk Clerk: Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: There's 8 of us.
Glen the Desk Clerk: 8, 8 people for a suckfest.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no suckfest. We're here for a convention.
Glen the Desk Clerk: I like convention too. I'm in a convention. A suckfest convention.