Officer Pete Davis: Arrest you? I could kill you.
Helen Knable: You sadistic bastard.
Spike: Runs in the family! My father was an oil company president.
Tequila: You're really full of shit. The toilet's over there.
Mahi Mahi: Chief Orman have pretty big influence around here.
Jack Singer: Influence? He lives in a shack.
Lane Bodine: I've never met anyone like you... you're honest, even when you lie.
McGivern: If I don't get total tit tonight, I will be using this razor to cut my throat. As I see it, sex is my only reason for living.
Charlie Dillon: Then be careful you don't cut your hand.
May-Alice Culhane: I am not ready for this. When I get stronger I will quit drinking.
Chantelle: If you keep drinking you won't get any stronger.
Older Mike: History is all in the mind of the teller. Truth is all in the telling.
Pathologist: Some nights there's so much farting and belching in here, it's like being in a ballpark.
Buddy Young, Jr.: I didn't take your life, Stan. I gave you one.
Stan: Yeah, but you coulda been nicer.
Paul Cater: I didn't GET this car, I stole it. That's a felony.
Lurene Hallett: Well it shouldn't be if it can't go over forty.
Lukas Hart III: Excuse me, I have to go pray.
Gabe: That's a picture of my mum. Isn't she beautiful? Everyone says I look like her. I'm not saying I'm good looking, I'm not saying that, but we do look alike. She's dead now. Was a car accident. She had her head chopped off. I think it's good to be able to talk about these things without cracking up, you know. Besides I know she's still with me somehow. I think that when I have kids, she will be one of them, sort of reincarnated.
Dr. Robert Campbell: I gave Alka-Seltzer to a kid with a belly ache.
Dr. Rae Crane: You did what?
Dr. Robert Campbell: Alka-Seltzer. Cured him in one belch. It was the 'plop-plop'-'fizz-fizz' that really dazzled them.
Jake Wyer: I got a plan. Full frontal assault.
Sam French: A full-frontal assault. That's your plan?
Jake Wyer: It's got the element of surprise.
Sam French: Suicide is always surprising.
Lennie: You damn right, George! You god damn right.
Margaret Schlegel: I deny it's madness.
Henry Wilcox: But you said yourself.
Margaret Schlegel: It's madness when I say it, but not when you say it.
Insp. Y.K. Chen: Are you unhappy?
Uncle Bill: I'd be happier if the Commissioner did it himself.
Insp. Y.K. Chen: Aren't we very mean?
Uncle Bill: A little bit, but you more than I.
Insp. Y.K. Chen: Why's that?
Uncle Bill: Because you're my superior.