Sometimes You Hear the Bullet - S1-E17
Henry Blake: All I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war, and rule number one is that young men die. And rule number two is that doctors can't change rule number one.
Ben Cartwright: You and your education.
Adam Cartwright: Education is progress! Now what have you got against it?
Ben Cartwright: I don't have anything against education - as long as it doesn't interfere with your thinking.
Corporal Randolph Agarn: How do you get to Fort Courage? That's easy. You take a right at the rock that looks like a bear, then a left at the bear that looks like a rock.
Abraham Lincoln: It's well known that the more a man speaks, the less he's understood.
Megatron: Is there anyone brave - or stupid enough - to oppose us? This city is under martial law... and I am the marshal.
Major Greg 'Pappy' Boyington: The only way we're gonna win this war is if Tokyo is more fouled up than Washington.
Alice Whipple: Harry, how long are we going to be here?
Harry Whipple: As long as it takes.
Alice Whipple: Well, I've got to get to the beauty parlor.
Harry Whipple: You're telling me.
Capt. Binghamton: Commander, how would you and your men like two weeks with nothing to do but play gin rummy, go surfing, have luaus with steel drum bands, dancing girls, hmm?
Lieut. Comdr. Quinton McHale: Two whole weeks? Woo hooo, oh that'd be a wonderful change sir. Yes sir.
Capt. Binghamton: Knock it off McHale. That's what you do every week.
Guarnere: Jesus Christ, we gotta do all this with a C.O. who has his head so far up his fuckin' ass, that lump in his throat is his goddamn nose.
Titus Pullo: It's as hot as Vulcan's dick.
Gunnery Sgt. Mike 'Gunny' Wynn: We need to make sure the stupidity in this company doesn't roll down too hard on our guys.
Vicar: Captain Mainwaring, this whole affair is not well organised at all, they all started eating as soon as their plates arrived.
Mainwaring: Of course, otherwise it would go cold.
Vicar: But it's not right, Before I even said for what we are about to receive half of them had already received it.
Caesar: Are you trying to seduce me?
Cleopatra: I don't try! I seduce... or I don't.
Capt. Ronald Merrick: Are you one of those people who think that if you teach an Indian the rules of cricket he'll become an English gentleman?
Guy Perron: Hardly sir. I know quite a few English gentlemen who play cricket brilliantly but are absolute shits.
Herr Flick: I will not be reporting this incident to Berlin. I do not wish to look a right 'nana.
Flavius Aetius: Let's make a bargain here and now, a treaty of peace between your people and mine.
Attila the Hun: I think that's the first sign of weakness I've seen you show.
Narrator: This was part of a foreign land, transplanted bodily to America and known as Little Tokyo. Since a wise government rounded up the immoral hoods, it has become virtually a ghost street, where only one business survives, eking out a precarious existence on the dimes of curiosity-seekers.
Queen Katherine: He will tire of you, like all the others.
Anne Boleyn: And what if he does not?
Vanessa Dunphy: You're an asshole Mr. Howard. Five minutes from now I won't be yelling but you'll still be an asshole.