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Anthropology 101 - S2-E1

Jeff Winger: Have you learned nothing from your insipid Twilight books? Men are monsters who crave young flesh.

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Comparative Religion - S1-E12

Jeff Winger: To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone. But I would also never stand in line for it.

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Introduction to Film - S1-E3

Jeff Winger: Hey! Troy sneezes like a girl!
Troy: How about I pound you like a boy...that didn't come out right.

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Cooperative Calligraphy - S2-E8

Shirley Bennett: Uh, Jeff, you don't have a bag?
Jeff Winger: Oh, I could never deprive the world of a portion of my chest the strap would cover.

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Modern Warfare - S1-E23

Shirley Bennett: They remind me of Sam and Diane. I hated Sam and Diane.
Annie Edison: Who are Sam and Diane?
Shirley Bennett: All right, we get it. You're young.

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Modern Warfare - S1-E23

Annie Edison: Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
Jeff Winger: There is no Britta and Jeff!
Pierce Hawthorne: He said, fully erect.

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Modern Warfare - S1-E23

Britta Perry: Oh my God, you've been hit!
Jeff Winger: What? Oh no! Wait, wait... It's blood. I thought it was paint but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!

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Basic Rocket Science - S2-E4

Jeff Winger: Greendale may be a toilet, but it's our toilet, and nobody craps in it but us.

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Politics of Human Sexuality - S1-E11

Shirley Bennett: Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You're like a unicorn.

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Beginner Pottery - S1-E19

Admiral Slaughter: When I look at you, I no longer see students. I see seamen. From the moment you came onboard, I saw seamen inside of you. More importantly you've stopped laughing at the word "seamen" which is the mark of a true seaman.

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Beginner Pottery - S1-E19

Jeff Winger: It's the ultimate blow-off class. This class is like a redhead who likes to drink and watch Die Hard. I suggest you get her number.

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Debate 109 - S1-E9

Professor Whitman: Jeffrey, as debate coach, I am offering you the opportunity to spend the night drinking from the cup of life, rather than romancing your nether regions in front of the E! channel.

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Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6

Troy Barnes: You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player! It's in your blood!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your soul!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
Troy Barnes: That's gay?
Jeff Winger: That's homophobic.
Troy Barnes: That's black.
Jeff Winger: THAT'S racist!
Troy Barnes: Damn.

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Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6

Abed Nadir: Will they or won't they? Sexual tension.
Jeff Winger: Abed, it makes the group uncomfortable when you talk about us like we're characters in a show you're watching.
Abed Nadir: Well, that's sort of my gimmick. But we did lean on it pretty hard last week. I can lay low for an episode.

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Introduction to Film - S1-E3

Shirley: Isn't Abed's dad like a hardcore Muslim? They're not as forgiving as Christians. He'll cut your head off with a salami sword.
Annie Edison: Shirley! That is the most racist thing I've ever heard.
Jeff Winger: Pierce will top that in one minute.

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Introduction to Film - S1-E3

Abed: My dad will only pay for classes that will help me run the family business. 9/11 was pretty much 9/11 for the falafel business.

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Introduction to Film - S1-E3

Britta: Why are you dressed like an 80's rapist?

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Messianic Myths and Ancient Peoples - S2-E5

Abed: I used to think all Jesus did was walk on water and tell people not to get abortions, but now I see he's so much more than that. He's like E.T., Edward Scissorhands, and Marty McFly combined.

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Introduction to Statistics - S1-E7

Troy: Jeff, Pierce took something and he is tripping balls! He is touching people and dancing weird. It's like Grumpy Old Men but not hilarious.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Pierce Hawthorne: Why would I sexually harass someone who turns me on?

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Pilot - S1-E1

Duncan: I'm a Professor. You can't talk to me that way!
Jeff Winger: A 6 year old girl could talk to you that way!
Duncan: Yes, because that would be adorable.
Jeff Winger: No, because you're a 5 year old girl and there's a pecking order!

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Pilot - S1-E1

Jeff Winger: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah!
Duncan: Interesting, it's just that the average person has a much harder time saying 'booyah' to moral relativism.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Abed: I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, well you have Aspergers.

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Mistakes

During the scenes in the pool area and the locker room, posters can be seen in the background with the Greendale Human Being on them. However, the Human Being mascot isn't invented until the next episode.

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Trivia

This episode features a pay-off for a joke that was established in the first two seasons. In season one, the character Professor Slater mentions the name "Beetlejuice" while trying to recall Britta's name. In season two, Britta refers to Jeff's underwear as "stripey Beetlejuice numbers" during a conversation. And in this episode, Annie says that Britta has the "Beetlejuice" soundtrack on her computer. As Annie says the name, the character Beetlejuice is visible briefly walking by a window in the background, his name having been said three times. (In the film "Beetlejuice", he is summoned once his name is spoken three times).

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