Castle

Little Girl Lost - S1-E9

Beckett: [Growing weary of Castle and Sorenson trying to one-up each other.] Oh, for god's sake, why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with?
Castle: I'm game.

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Flowers for Your Grave - S1-E1

Beckett: Richard Castle, you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice.
Castle: You forgot making you look bad.

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Wrapped Up in Death - S2-E19

Beckett: Murdered Medina just to boost ticket sales? No, that would make this Scooby-Doo... And I'm not Velma.
Castle: Velma, you kidding? You're Daphne... You're hot, smart, not aggressively brainy, but long legs, short skirt...
Beckett: Stop!
Castle: Why?
Beckett: Now!
Castle: Got it.

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A Deadly Affair - S3-E1

Castle: I know that look.
Beckett: What look?
Castle: That "something doesn't add up" look.

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The Good, the Bad & the Baby - S6-E10

Beckett: There's been a murder in a church downtown.
Castle: Aw, too bad it wasn't in a cathedral. That would be so T.S. Eliot. Huh? "Murder in the Cathedral"? Thomas Becket? Beckett and Becket?
Beckett: Come on.
Castle: Nothing? Anyone?

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Murder He Wrote - S5-E4

Castle: What kind of cold-blooded killer takes a nap on the beach after shooting someone?
Beckett: Castle, I'm on vacation. If I wanted to investigate a murder, I would have stayed in the city.

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Fool Me Once - S2-E4

Ryan: You know what I don't get?
Beckett: Mm-hmm?
Ryan: Why go to so much trouble to create such an elaborate scam? Fletcher must have spent weeks going through all the prep work.
Beckett: I can give you 50,000 reasons why.
Castle: Yeah, but for con men, it's not just about the money. I mean, for them, it's about the game. The... The thrill they get from pulling a con, it's like a drug high.
Montgomery: [approaching] Con man was on drugs?
Beckett: No, sir. Castle is just giving us psychological insight based on his extensive experience as a fraud.

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Nanny McDead - S1-E2

Beckett: Exactly how many times have you been married, Castle?
Castle: Twice.
Beckett: That's it?
Castle: Isn't that enough? How 'bout you?
Beckett: Me? No. Never been.
Castle: Really?
Beckett: Yep.
Castle: You'd be good at it, you're both controlling and disapproving. You should really try it.
Beckett: I'm not an "if at first you don't succeed" kind of a girl, Castle, when it comes to marriage, I'm more of a "one and done" type.
Castle: Hmm, any serious candidates?

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3XK - S3-E6

Capt Montgomery: Feds say he's a white male, 25 to 45 years old...
Castle: Could be me.
Capt Montgomery: With a dysfunctional relationship with his mother...
Castle: Still me.
Capt Montgomery: He has a menial, unimportant job...
Beckett: Definitely you.
Castle: Just for that, I base my next book on Esposito.

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Probable Cause - S5-E5

Castle: Jewelry. I never would have thought of that.
Beckett: I guess I'll have to remind you when my birthday's coming up.
Castle: Why Detective Beckett, was that a hint you just dropped?
Beckett: Why Mr. Castle, I do believe it was.
Castle: Shameless.

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Almost Famous - S3-E7

Castle: I can't believe you got dressed up for this. Tell me again why Ryan and Esposito couldn't come with you?
Beckett: Well, they agreed as a volunteer assistant homicide detective you could really sink your teeth into this avenue of investigation. And they called "not it."
Castle: You know, ever since I've been following you, I've been dreaming of the day that you'd say "let's go to the strip club and get this dirt bag." I just never imagined it would feel like this.
Beckett: Let me know if you need any singles.

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Deep in Death - S2-E1

Beckett: How's it goin' up there?
Lanie: I got tree branches poking my boobs, and spotlights shining up my booty.
Esposito: It could be worse. You could be wearing a skirt.
Lanie: When I come down, I'm gonna smack you.
Esposito: Looking forward to that.

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Hedge Fund Homeboys - S1-E3

Castle: I've been kicked out of all of New York's finer educational institutes at least once. The irony is now that I'm rich and famous, they all claim me as alum and want money.

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Cuffed - S4-E10

Castle: "Lift up my shirt", "pull off my boots." Under normal circumstances, I would like where this was heading.
Beckett: You can fantasize later, after we get out of the room.
Castle: Just so you know, not as much fun if I have your permission.

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Flowers for Your Grave - S1-E1

Gina: What kind of idiot kills off his best-selling main character?
Castle: Are you asking as my blood-sucking publisher or as my blood-sucking ex-wife?
Gina: Oh, is that what you're doing? Punishing me by killing the golden goose?
Castle: Oh, come on. I may be petty and short-sighted, but I'm not that petty and short-sighted.

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And Justice for All - S8-E13

Castle: While I do love kissing you, Beckett, it's just a little creepy when you do it in front of a dead body.

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Murder Most Fowl - S3-E8

Beckett: The thing about murderers, Mario, is they tend to not have solid alibis.
Castle: Generally because they're murdering somebody.

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Resurrection - S7-E14

Castle: I never thought this day would come. Not only can we prove Jerry Tyson is alive, but we have him in custody.

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Witness for the Prosecution - S8-E10

Beckett: Castle, are you sure that Nina's innocent?
Castle: I don't know. But what's worse than letting a guilty person go free?
Beckett: Sending an innocent one to jail.

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Secret's Safe with Me - S5-E3

Beckett: What are you doing with two grand in your pocket?
Castle: I'm a best-selling author. Why wouldn't I have two grand my pocket?

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Like Father, Like Daughter - S6-E7

Beckett: Castle, I am not getting married in space.
Castle: Why not? We could be the first. Commercial space flight is only a couple of years away. And you said you wanted it to be special.
Beckett: [sarcastic] Yes, because when I was a little girl, imagining my wedding day being stuck in a small tin can with a thousand tons of rocket fuel strapped to my ass was exactly what I had in mind.

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Limelight - S6-E13

Beckett: Hey. So, how's Pi's recommendation going?
Castle: It took me less time to write the last Derrick Storm novel, and although both are works of fiction, at least that one was believable.

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Kill Shot - S4-E9

Beckett: No, you don't understand. I need to be okay.
Dr. Carter Burke: That's not always a choice, Kate. What you're describing, hypervigilance, it's a classic symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Beckett: I don't have PTSD.
Dr. Carter Burke: You were shot, by a sniper. I think it's fair to say this case is going to bring up issues. Issues you still haven't dealt with.
Beckett: Okay, then fine, I'll deal with them. Right now, I need to figure out how to make this stop.
Dr. Carter Burke: It's not going to stop. Not without time and treatment. The psychological trauma is every bit as real as the physical trauma.

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XX - S8-E2

Castle: You know, before Bracken was killed, he told me you'd never be happy just being my wife. Please do not tell me that son of a bitch knew you better than I do.

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Hollander's Woods - S7-E23

Castle: That day in the woods, Kate... That's why I do what I do. I'm driven to figure out the story because I could never figure out that one.
Beckett: Why didn't you ever tell me this before?
Castle: I think I didn't want it to be real. But it is real. He's real. He killed before, and he just tried to kill again.

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Sleeper - S7-E20

Castle: I'm so sorry, Kate, for everything I put you through.
Beckett: Babe, it's not like you were partying in Thailand. You have the best excuse ever for missing our wedding. You were saving the world.

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The Fast and the Furriest - S5-E20

Beckett: Castle, please, no more Wookie calls.
Castle: It's not Wookie. I'm not doing Wookie. I can't do Wookie. Alexis does a really cute Wookie.
Beckett: Well, whatever you're doing, could you stop?
Castle: You're scared it might work?
Beckett: No, I am scared that I might murder you, and then I'll have two crime scenes on my hands.

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Reckoning - S7-E15

Castle: I don't know how you did it.
Beckett: What?
Castle: Kept it together the two months I was missing. Two days, I didn't know where you were, and it nearly killed me.
Beckett: Thanks for coming to get me.
Castle: Always.

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Mr. & Mrs. Castle - S8-E8

Beckett: LokSat thinks that his cover-up worked. That's why he let us live. And if he finds out that I am still pursuing this, he will kill me and anyone that I am close to. That's why I had to push you away.
Castle: The fact that you even think that breaks my heart. I'd walk into a tornado for you, Kate.
Beckett: And I would die if I lost you.
Castle: You want to know what hurts the most? You could have come to me with everything, broken us up just like you did, only it would have been a cover. And together, in secret, we could have taken this guy down. Only that thought never even occurred to you, because deep down inside, you like being broken, and you need this obsession. And no matter what I do, I can't change that. Only you can, Kate.

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Deep in Death - S2-E1

Castle: It's because you're afraid, isn't it? You're afraid that if you look into your mother's death, that you will go back down that rabbit hole and lose yourself again. But it's different this time. We have good leads. We have strong leads. And you won't have to do it alone. We can do it together.
Beckett: What if I don't want to know? Did you ever think of that? What if I'm not ready? What if the idea of catching my mom's murderer, and then having to sit there and watch as he cuts some deal that puts him back out on the street in ten years, makes me nauseous? You dredged up my past for you, Castle. Not for me, and you're too selfish to even see it. The case is closed, Castle. We made a deal, and I expect you to honor it.

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The Time of Our Lives - S7-E6

Beckett: The moment that I met you, my life became extraordinary. You taught me to be my best self, to look forward to tomorrow's adventures. And when I was vulnerable, you were strong. I love you, Richard Castle. And I want to live my life in the warmth of your smile and the strength of your embrace. I promise you I will love you. I will be your friend and your partner in crime and in life, always.
Castle: The moment we met, my life became extraordinary. You taught me more about myself than I knew there was to learn. You are the joy in my heart. You're the last person I want to see every night when I close my eyes. I love you, Katherine Beckett. And the mystery of you is the one I want to spend the rest of my life exploring. I promise to love you, to be your friend, and your partner in crime and life, 'till death do us part, and for the time of our lives.

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Knockout - S3-E24

Castle: You know what? This isn't about your mother's case anymore. This is about you needing a place to hide. Because you've been chasing this so long, you're afraid to find out who you are without it.
Beckett: You don't know me, Castle! You think you do, but you don't.
Castle: I know you crawled inside your mother's murder and didn't come out. I know you hide there. The same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don't love. You could be happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy. But you're afraid.

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Kick the Ballistics - S4-E4

Castle: You know, Ryan, none of this is your fault. The fact that he used your gun...
Kevin Ryan: That weapon was issued to me by the city of New York. I let it out of my hand, and now a girl is dead. So please do not tell me that it's not my fault.

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Valkyrie - S6-E1

Castle: Kate, I'm not proposing to you to keep you here, or because I'm afraid I'm gonna lose you. I'm proposing because I can't imagine my life without you. If that means, when things get difficult, we have to figure them out, then I'm willing to figure them out. Assuming you're willing to figure them out with me.
Beckett: Well, in that case, Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle, yes. Yes. I will marry you.

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Punked - S3-E4

Castle: How do you know when you're in love?
Beckett: All the songs make sense.

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Countdown - S3-E17

Beckett: I always thought, being a cop, I'd take a bullet. I never thought I'd freeze to death.
Castle: Hey, we're not dead yet.
Beckett: I just wish this was one of your books and you could re-write the ending.

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The Double Down - S2-E2

Esposito: Come on Castle, take pity on your model-deprived brothers. Give us the stats, was she the sexy, curvy, lingerie type...
Ryan: Or the toned and tanned bikini-wearing type...
Beckett: She's more like the 'I'm totally psyched I just got my driver's license' type...
Castle: OK, you know what, you two so need to evolve, because that little girl you're talking about, like a piece of meat? That's somebody's daughter, all right, she's somebody's...babysitter.

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Ghosts - S1-E8

Castle: OK, maybe this might cheer you up a little bit. [Reaches in his back pocket and pulls out a wad of money.] Your winnings.
Beckett: My winnings?
Castle: Oh, don't play coy with me, you threw your hand!
Beckett: Alright, I was trying to be nice... I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your friends.
Castle: Now we're even. So what do you say to ah, a little showdown? Head to head. Toe to toe. Winner take all. Mano y mujer.
Beckett: Hand to woman?
Castle: Whatever it takes.
Beckett: You're on!
Castle: No mercy!
Beckett: I'm gonna make you hurt!
Castle: Oh, you're going to get hurt!
Beckett: What are we playing for?
Castle: Pride, or clothing.
Beckett: I think I've got a bag of Gummy Bears.

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Ghosts - S1-E8

Beckett: [In the elevator handing Castle a wad of money.]
Castle: What's this?
Beckett: Your winnings from the other night. I'm not an idiot, I knew you threw the last hand.
Castle: How did you figure it out?
Beckett: That's not the point.
Castle: Ooh, my mother called you, didn't she?!
Beckett: You owe me a rematch!
Castle: Fine. You wanna play, let's play! How 'bout tomorrow night?
Beckett: With your 'mystery buddies'?
Castle: What, are you kidding? No, no, no, those guys would eat you alive! No, I was thinking something a little more local...my, ah, 'Gotham City Crew', guys I beat on a regular basis.
Beckett: Your 'Gotham City Crew'?
Castle: Yeah, Captain, the Mayor and Judge Markway. You know, your boss, your boss' boss, and the guy that signs your warrants, or would that make you nervous? I mean, I wouldn't want to throw your game, but I also don't want you to feel patronized.
Beckett: Jut set it up, and prepare to get your ass kicked.

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When the Bough Breaks - S2-E5

Castle: Thank you.
Beckett: For what?
Castle: For using "irony" correctly. Ever since that Alanis Morissette song, people use it when they actually mean "coincidence." It drives me nuts.

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Overkill - S2-E23

[Jealous of Beckett's relationship with Demming, Castle has created a Nikki Heat character based on the robbery detective.]
Alexis: I do have one note, though. This new character... The, uh, robbery detective?
Castle: Schlemming? What about him?
Alexis: Well, it seems like he kinda... Came up out of nowhere.
Castle: Yeah, well, I can't argue with that.
Alexis: He's coming off a bit like a doofus.
Castle: [Happy] You think?
Alexis: I think you should lose him.
Castle: [Striking the passages out] If only it was this easy.

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Hell Hath No Fury - S1-E4

Beckett: Why is it always the family value guys that get caught with their pants down?
Castle: Because the universe loves irony. And because most people are hypocrites.

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Smells Like Teen Spirit - S6-E15

Beckett: Castle, I'm not choosing our song off of a list that includes Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me."
Castle: Uh, that song, I am sure, ignited many a strip club romance in 1987.

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Smells Like Teen Spirit - S6-E15

Castle: She was thrown against the ceiling? That is a superhuman feat, bordering on physically impossible.
Beckett: Okay, Castle, let's hear it. What's your outlandish theory?
Castle: Isn't it obvious? Madison made the Hulk angry.

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Wrapped Up in Death - S2-E19

Castle: Oh, man, I love this place! When Alexis was little, we used to come here every Sunday. We would run around for hours pretending like we were on safari in Africa, or looking for dinosaurs in China!
Beckett: You know Castle, sometimes I forget that you have such a capacity for pure innocence in your life.
Castle: Yeah, plus it was a great place to pick up chicks.
Beckett: And then you open your mouth and you ruin it.

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Castle, P.I. - S7-E11

Esposito: How much trouble can he be?
Beckett: Trust me, once he finds out that he has to work this case without me, he's gonna get bored, and he's gonna move on.
Esposito: He found our victim's school without you.
Beckett: Yeah, but that was easy, he doesn't have access to financials, to phone records, to street cam footage, I mean how far is he gonna get?
Ryan: You know what would really suck? If Castle solved this case before we did.
Beckett: And that is not possible!
Ryan: Yeah, but what if he did?
Beckett: Then we'd never hear the end of it!
Esposito: Ah, nooooo, you would never hear the end of it. You're the one that has to go home to that guy.

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Montreal - S7-E2

Castle: Fine, I'll go! Eh, Montreal is a short flight, I'll be there and back in a
couple of hours.
Beckett: No! Not after everything we've been through, you're not going alone!
Alexis: She's right, and you can't go by yourself. I'll go with you!
Castle: Yes...yes...she'll go with me!
Beckett: We have no idea what's out there. No idea who's out there, that's too risky.
Castle: It's Canada, how risky could it be? And need I remind you I'm a grown man, I don't need to ask your permission, that being said, please! please! please can I, can I go?
Beckett: OK, fine, but only because I know you're not going to do anything stupid if she's with you. [To Alexis.] Don't let him do anything stupid.
Alexis: Promise.

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The Final Frontier - S5-E6

Beckett: Perlmutter.
Perlmutter: Detective Beckett.
Castle: Perlmutter.
Perlmutter: And non detective Castle.

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Linchpin - S4-E16

Esposito: So... Tell me...how can your victim look like Nelson Blakely, when he supposedly died 10 years ago?
Beckett: Yeah...ah.
Castle: Yeah, weird, isn't it?
Esposito: Yeah...weird. Fake deaths, a car in the water, don't you think now's a good time to tell us what the hell's goin' on?!
Castle: Uhhh.
Beckett: I'm sorry Javy, it's classified.
Esposito: I was Special Forces... I used to eat classified for breakfast, and yet writer boy can know?! Ok, I'll be over there with Harbor Patrol trying to figure out how to get your unit out of the drink! [Turns away, then turns back.] I'm glad you're ok. [Turns and walks away.]
Beckett: [To Esposito.] Thank you!
Esposito: [While walking away] Mmm hmm.

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Hedge Fund Homeboys - S1-E3

Beckett: Don't you have a book coming out today, or something?
Castle: Yeah, so?
Beckett: So, you are watching me do paperwork, it's creepy! Did you have somewhere else to be?
Castle: I like it here.
Beckett: Oh my gosh, I get it. You're hiding. Your book is coming out today, and you're hiding!
Castle: No, hiding would be building a fortress out of my comforter and then downing a fifth of scotch, but apparently that's considered unhealthy.
Beckett: I thought that you don't care what people think?
Castle: I don't...much.

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Death Gone Crazy - S5-E12

Lanie: This is a 36D Sultura.
Beckett: Ooh, that's high-end.
Lanie: Definitely. One of these could run you 200, 250.
Esposito: 250 dollars, for a bra?
Lanie: Oh, but it's okay to spend that on a pair of sneakers, right?
Esposito: A pair of sneakers is practical. Okay? They can support your, um...
Castle: [Shaking his head at Espoosito.] Eject.

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Nanny McDead - S1-E2

Lawyer: Mr. Castle, be advised, if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...
Castle: My lifeless remains cannot sue the city?
Lawyer: Your heirs, Mr. Castle.
Beckett: Do I have to wait for him to sign, or can I shoot him now? [Then mouthing, "No? OK."]
Lawyer: Mr. Castle, these waivers are serious business, perhaps you'd feel more comfortable by referring the matter to your attorney?
Castle: What, are you kidding? He'd never let me sign these! But fortunately it's his job to get me out of trouble, and not to prevent me from getting into it.

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Linchpin - S4-E16

Beckett: So...you slept with her?
Castle: Yeah...yeah I slept with her.
Beckett: Have there been others?
Castle: Women?
Beckett: Muses.
Castle: No, why?
Beckett: I just wanted to see how big the club was, that's all.

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Lucky Stiff - S3-E14

Castle: [To Beckett] See? Everyone thinks about it.
Montgomery: Everybody thinks about what?
Castle: What they would do if they won the lottery.
Montgomery: Big ass boat, 60 footer, monster spinnaker hanging off the bow, two deep sea rods, hanging off the stern.
Castle: Sweet.
Beckett: OK, while you guys are fantasizing about the size of your rods, I'm going to go and interrogate our suspect.

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Significant Others - S5-E10

Esposito: Bro... What was that?
Castle: What was what?
Ryan: Your girlfriend just uttered a sarcastic remark about your ex-wife, and all you're gonna say is, "What was what?"
Castle: Oh, that was nothing.
Esposito: Spit it out!
Ryan: Tell us!
Castle: Ahh, OK, uh, as you know, Beckett is, staying at the loft while her place is getting fumigated, Alexis is home sick as well, and then Meredith showed up and she said she wanted to stay in the loft...
Esposito: And you said no. [Pauses for reply.] Tell me you said no. [Look of concern on Castle's face.] Wowwww!
Ryan: Really?!
Esposito: Letting an ex stay with you when you're with someone else... That's like throwing gasoline on fireworks!

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Hedge Fund Homeboys - S1-E3

Castle: Oh my God! This is quite possibly the worst coffee I've ever tasted. It's actually kind of fascinating, it tastes like a...[pauses to take a sip.] it tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid. [To Beckett.] Try some?

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Demons - S4-E6

Esposito: Yo, I just saw Ryan, downstairs... I can't believe you let him go chasing ghosts with Castle.
Beckett: Yeah, maybe Shaggy'll keep Scooby out of trouble. Besides, you never know, maybe they'll come up with something useful.

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Law & Boarder - S6-E21

Beckett: Did you seriously stay up staring at this Scrabble board all night instead of going to bed?
Castle: With these five remaining tiles, I have to craft a word scoring 9 points... And I turn defeat, into victory.
Alexis: Oh, my gosh, did you really beat dad at Scrabble?
Castle: I concede nothing! Except that I need more coffee.
Martha: That is quite an accomplishment young lady... Nobody beats him, ever!
Beckett: Oh yeah, he's mentioned that... Repeatedly.
Martha: Ahhh, how the mighty have fallen!
Castle: Richard Castle, one word short... I cannot allow this to be my epitaph.
[Beckett and Alexis slyly fist-bump each other.]
Castle: I saw that!

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Til Death Do Us Part - S4-E11

Beckett: Castle, if we were getting married, would you want to know about all the guys that I've slept with?
Castle: All... ?
Beckett: Seriously? You sign women's chests at book readings, you cannot be shocked that I'm not a virgin.
Castle: Ahh, it's just the word, "all" suggests... A lot. How many we talkin', exactly?
Beckett: Are you really asking for my number?
Castle: You show me yours, I'll show you mine.
Beckett: [With a sly smile on her face.] Men. You all wanna know, but you don't wanna know.

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Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind - S3-E9

Ryan: Hey... Those hickeys?
Esposito: Yes.
Beckett: No.
Castle: I wish.
Ryan: OK...

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Mitchell Harmon

A Chill Goes Through Her Veins - S1-E5

Castle: It's family moments like these, I will never forget.
Alexis: With a good therapist, hopefully I will.

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A Chill Goes Through Her Veins - S1-E5

Castle: Alright, so you and I are married.
Beckett: We are not married!
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: I don't want to pretend!
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: OK, if we're married, I want a divorce!
Roger: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle and Beckett: [Together] Yes!

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Flowers for Your Grave - S1-E1

Esposito: The man's got the mayor on speed dial! The rich really are different.
Beckett: You want him? He's yours.
Esposito: A control freak like you with something you can't control? No, no, that's going to be more fun than Shark Week!

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A Death in the Family - S1-E10

Beckett: What is it with men and boobs, anyway?
Castle: Biological, we can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real; we still love opening his presents.

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Nanny McDead - S1-E2

Lanie: But what I thought you might find really interesting, is the fact that she had sex within the hours before her death.
Beckett: Sex?
Castle: I'll explain how that works later.

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Sucker Punch - S2-E13

Kate Beckett: If you tell anyone what I'm about to say, there's going to be another shooting. But... I've gotten used to you pulling my pigtails. I have a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun.
Richard Castle: Your secret's safe with me.

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Mistakes

At the end of the episode, the Mercedes S class that is burning is not the same car that Castle drove previously in the episode, it's an older model one. Either it's a mistake or has to do something with the plot resolution, decide yourselves...

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Trivia

Castle's Halloween costume is of Malcolm Reynolds, played by Nathan Fillion in the short-lived TV show "Firefly." Alexis asks him: "Didn't you wear that like five years ago?" Serenity, the film based on Firefly, was released 5 years before this episode aired.

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