The Simpsons

The Simpsons (1989)

29 quotes from show generally

Homer's brain: It's simple, just use reverse psycology.
Homer: Reverse psycology? That sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Alright, don't use reverse psycology.
Homer: Alright, I will!

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Grampa: Bart broke my teeth!
Homer: Daaad! you and your stories... Bart broke my teeth, the nurses are stealing my money. This thing on my neck is getting bigger.

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Homer: Insurance is the greatest deal ever. If I get hurt, I get paid. And man do I get hurt!

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Jimbo: Dude, you kissed a girl! That is so gay.

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Marge: Homer, wake up!
Homer: Why? Did the house run away? Dog on fire?

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Squeaky Voiced Teen: We're out of Secret Sauce. Go and put this mayonnaise out in the sun.

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Homer: I won't lie to you Marge... Well, good night.

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Homer: You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

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TV Announcer: Coming up next, Carmen Electra stars in "Boobs", about psychology students and their teacher who wants to be take seriously.
Homer: Aw. I thought it was about her boobs.

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Grampa: I already got enough doctors poking at me here and pinching me over here and grabbing me down here and jiggling me under here. And that's just the receptionist!

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Homer Simpson: No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

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Homer Simpson: Trying is the first step towards failure.

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Homer Simpson: Marge, it takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen.

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Homer: Who's going to watch the kids?
Marge: You are!
Homer: Me? But I'm the father!

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Homer: I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

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Homer: How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church, Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. [Makes sound effects and laughs.] Where was I? Oh yeah. Stay out of my booze.

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Sideshow Bob: Urgh. Rakes, my arch-enemy.
Bart: I thought I was your arch-enemy.
Sideshow Bob: I have a life outside of you, Bart.

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Homer: Please, don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

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Lisa: Oedipus killed his father and married his mother.
Homer: Ehhh. Who pays for that wedding?

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Marge: Homer, no! You'll kill us all!
Homer: Or die trying.

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Homer: Marge, can I get a duck?
Marge: You already have a monkey!
Homer: Can he get a duck?

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Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

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Homer: Weaseling out of things is important for kids to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

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Homer: If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

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Homer: Please press any key. Where's the any key?

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Sideshow Bob: Rakes! My old arch enemy.
Bart: I thought I was your arch enemy.
Sideshow Bob: Don't flatter yourself.

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Mr. Burns: Before you begin, let me make one thing clear to you. I want your legal advice, I even pay for it. But to me you're all vipers. You live on personal injury, you live on divorces, you live on pain and misery. But I'm rambling. Anybody want any coffee?
Lawyer: I'll have some coffee.
Mr. Burns: Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart. It's so hard for me to listen to you, I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH.

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Homer: What are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

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Homer: To alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

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