I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can - S14-E12
Mayor Quimby: Lisa, with second place, you're the biggest winner this town has ever had. Before you, it was the woman who dated Charles Grodin. (00:20:22)
Campaign ad narrator: Mayor Quimby supports revolving door prisons. Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob, a man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for Mayor.
Agnes Skinner: Start over. I want everything in one bag.
Squeaky-voiced Teen: Yes ma'am.
Agnes Skinner: But I don't want the bag to be heavy.
Squeaky-voiced Teen: I don't think that's possible.
Agnes Skinner: What are you, the possible police? Just do it.
Krusty Gets Kancelled - S4-E22
Anthony Kiedis: You told our agent this place holds 30,000 people.
Moe: It does. We had 30,000 here last night. Now play, the audience is getting restless.
Barney: We want Chilly Willy! We want Chilly Willy!
Bart: Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys like to appear on a Krusty the Clown special?
Flea: Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
Bart: No problemo. Hey Moe, look over there.
Moe: [Turns around and looks at the wall.] What? What am I looking at? I don't see nothin'. [Bart sneaks the Red Hot Chili Peppers out of the bar.] I'm gonna stop lookin' soon. What? What, is that it?
Homer: Hey Moe, can I look too?
Moe: Sure, but it'll cost you.
Homer: My wallet's in the car.
Moe: He is so stupid. And now back to the wall.
Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door, and put up an eviction notice.
Landlord: Yeah, that was me.
Otto: You!? But why?
Landlord: Because you haven't paid your rent.
Otto: Well, can I at least get my stuff?
Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard, and a couple of old cycle magazines.
Otto: Wow! I have mustard!?
Smithers: I've got to find a replacement who won't outshine me. Perhaps if I search the employee evaluations for the word "incompetent." 714 names! Ha, better be more specific. "Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, monstrously ugly." [The computer again displays 714 matches.] Ah, nuts to this. I'll just go get Homer Simpson.
Tree House of Horror X - S11-E4
Professor Frink: In episode BF12, you were battling barbarians while riding a winged Appaloosa. but in the very next scene, my dear, you're clearly atop a winged Arabian. Please to explain it.
Lucy Lawless: Ah, yeah, well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
Professor Frink: I see, all right, yes, but in episode AG4...
Lucy Lawless: Wizard!
Professor Frink: Ah, for glavin' out loud!
Tree House of Horror IX - S10-E4
Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for the murders of Moe Szyslak and Apu Nahasa... pasa... uh, just Moe. Just Moe.
Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore - S15-E12
Apu: Attention American bar devils: it's our anniversary. Free drinks for everyone.
Homer: That's great! I'm honored to drink to Apu and, uh, Apulina. You know, Marge and I have an anniversary coming up.
Apu: I have given Manjula many gifts, including a bouquet of flowers, diamond earrings, and we're going to see Paris... Hilton, in Paris... Texas, on our way to Paris... France.
Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder - S11-E6
Lenny: Hey Homer, that's four strikes in a row. You've got a perfect game goin'.
Homer: Really?
Carl: Careful what you say, Lenny. You'll jinx it.
Lenny: Alright, sorry. Miss. Miss! Sorry, I was callin' the waitress. Uh, this split you sold me is makin' me choke.
Homer: Lenny!
Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
Carl: Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumb-wad!?
Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter mouth!
The Last Temptation of Krust - S9-E15
Hank WIlliams, Jr.: ♪Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive? Smells like a steak and seats thirty-five. Canyonero. Canyonero. Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down. It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown. Canyonero. Canyonero.
Krusty: Hey hey!
Announcer: The Federal Highway Commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Hank Williams, Jr.: ♪Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, 65 tons of American pride. Canyonero. Canyonero. Top of the line in utility sports. Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts. Canyonero. Canyonero. She blinds everybody with her super high beams. She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smackin', drivin' machine. Canyonero. Canyonero. Ya! Ya Canyonero! Whoa Canyonero! Whoa!
Bart Carny - S9-E12
Nelson: You wrecked Hitler's car! What did he ever do to you?
Librarian: You've checked this bible out every weekend for the last nine years. Wouldn't it be easier to just buy one?
Reverend Lovejoy: Perhaps, on a librarian's salary.
Cape Feare - S5-E2
Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me Chief Piggum. [Gallery laughs] Oh, now I get it. Ah ha ha, that's good.
Selma: Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon.
Blue-haired Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now? [A few people raise their hands] Be honest. [Everyone raises their hands, including Patty]
Patty: Ah, she's always leaving the toilet seat up.
Blue-haired Lawyer: Robert, if released would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?
Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson? The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hell-hole.
Parole Board Member #1: Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hell-hole" when you could have said "pee-pee-soaked heck-hole."
Sideshow Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.
Blue-haired Lawyer: Well what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "Die Bart, Die?"
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for "The Bart, The."
Parole Board Member #3: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
Parole Board Member #2: Parole granted.
I, (Annoyed Grunt)-bot - S15-E9
Robot Rumble Announcer #2: And the winner is nature's greatest killing machine, man! [Audience boos.] Show me where in the rule book that it says a human can't be a robot.
Robot Rumble Announcer #1: Right here: Rule 1.
Answer: Willy referred to an encounter he believed he had with actual aliens, while Wiggum thought he was referring to the arcade game.