Cordelia: You want I should distract him? Make with the nice-nice while you slip by?
Angel: Don't be stupid. I'm that guy and the most beautiful woman I've ever seen is making eyes at me? It's either a bachelor party or a scam.
Cordelia: What did you just call me?
Angel: I'm sorry. You're not stupid.
Cordelia: No, after that.
Cordelia: I finally get invited to a nice place with no mirrors and lots of curtains. Hey, you're a vampire!
Russell Winters: What? No, I'm not.
Cordelia: Are too!
Russell Winters: I don't know what you're talking about.
Cordelia: I'm from Sunnydale. We had our own Hellmouth. I think I know a vampire when... I'm... Alone with him... In his fortress-like home.
[Angel's trying to get out of wearing a pink bike helmet.]
Angel: Well, it - it's, you know. The whole visibility issue, not to mention the hat head thing. You know, when you really think about it, how come I have to wear the ladies' helmet?
Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on.
[Watching from on top of a building as Angel talks to a woman he just saved, Spike guesses what is being said.]
Spike: [as Rachel.] How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
[as Angel.] No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. [Rachel reaches for Angel's head.] No, not the hair. Never the hair.
[as Rachel.] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?
[as Angel.] No, helping those in need's my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
[as Rachel.] I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so...
[as Angel.] Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away.
[Spike crashes to the floor and sits up looking furious.]
Spike: Right! We are gonna set some ground rules. Number one - don't hit me in the face. Number two - when I hit you in the face, you tell me how it feels, so I can write that on my clipboard. Number three [holds up the clipboard.] don't touch my clipboard.
Wesley: It's sad. The only way some people can find a purpose in life is by becoming obsessed with demons. By the way, Gunn, technically that wasn't a Lurite, it was a Murite, a subspecies of the Lurite. The male sports a small telltale fin just behind the third shoulder.
Gunn: I'm so glad to know we're not the sad people obsessed with demons.
Angel: All this time, it was you, wasn't it?
Cordelia: Took you long enough to figure it out. But nice turn with the Lorne bait. You know, there was a time I would have seen that one coming eons before it ever crossed your tiny little mind.
Angel: Because you're so clever.
Cordelia: On a scale of you to me? Pretty damn.
Gunn: As evil blood-sucking vampires go, how would you rate Angelus?
Wesley: Historically, as bad as they come. Especially when he was with his sire, Darla.
Cordelia: We're researching her now to see if she has some kind of resurrection powers. Maybe she's a vampire cat with nine lives, or something!
Gunn: So he and Darla together, bad combo?
Wesley: They rampaged through half the known world until Angel got his soul.
Cordelia: Imagine Bonnie and Clyde if they had 150 years to get it right.
Angel: Can I come in?
Kate Lockley: Oh, that's right. You need to be invited in, don't you?
Angel: You've been doing your homework.
Kate Lockley: Want to quiz me? I'm just full of fun facts. For instance, I learned your friend has been in L.A. Before. Did you know that? Yeah, at least twice. Once in 1929 and again in 1963. Oh, and there was something in Boston in 1908. I think he was there, too.
Angel: So you believe me.
Kate Lockley: Yes, I believe you.
Angel: Good, because he's planning something else.
Kate Lockley: Angelus. Isn't that what he called you? Angelus. I looked it up, it's all right there. The demon with the face of an angel. A particularly brutal bastard by all accounts. Oh, and no, you can't come in.
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