Seinfeld

Seinfeld (1990)

28 quotes

The Wait Out - S7-E23

Elaine: The thing about George is, he's an idiot.

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The Jimmy - S6-E19

Jimmy: Oh yeah, Jimmy's ready. Check Jimmy out. Jimmy's got some new moves. [Slips and falls from the water.] Jimmy's down.

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Bishop73

The Chinese Woman - S6-E4

Jerry: Well, it looks like you've adjusted to the boxers.
Kramer: Well, I wouldn't go as far as that.
Jerry: You went back to the Jockeys?
Kramer: Wrong again.
Jerry: Oh no...
Elaine: What? What?
Jerry: Don't you see what's going on here? No boxers, no Jockeys.
Elaine: [move back away from Kramer.] Ohhh.
Jerry: The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine. Kramer, say it isn't so.
Kramer: Oh, it be so. I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it.

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Bishop73

The Implant - S4-E19

Timmy: What are you doing?
George: What?
Timmy: Did...did you just double-dip that chip?
George: Excuse me?
Timmy: You double-dipped the chip.
George: Double-dipped? What are you talking about?
Timmy: You dipped the chip, you took a bite...and you dipped again.
George: So?
Timmy: That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it.

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Bishop73

The Pitch - S4-E3

Jerry: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long-distance service?
Jerry: Oh, gee. I...I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later?
Telemarketer: Uh...well, I'm sorry. We're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.
Telemarketer: No.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.

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Bishop73

The Keys - S3-E23

Kramer: You're wasting your life.
George: I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I'm living my life.
Kramer: Okay, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?
George: No.
Kramer: You got money?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have a woman?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have any prospects?
George: No.
Kramer: You got anything on the horizon?
George: Uh...no.
Kramer: Do you have any action at all?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George: I like to get the daily news.

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Bishop73

The Bubble Boy - S4-E7

Jerry: He's a bubble boy.
George: A bubble boy?
Jerry: Yes, a bubble boy.
Susan: What's a bubble boy?
Jerry: He lives in a bubble.
George: Boy.

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Bishop73

The Comeback - S8-E13

Jerry: "The ocean called, they're running out of shrimp"?
George: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, then I said to him, "oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they're running out of you."
Jerry: Really? That's great, you said that to him?
George: Well, actually I, I thought it up on the way over here.
Jerry: Oh, that's not quite the same.

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Bishop73

The Gymnast - S6-E6

Jerry: So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an eclair, in the receptacle, and you think to yourself...what the hell? I'll just eat some trash.
George: No, no, no, no, no. It was not trash.
Jerry: Was it in the trash?
George: Yes.
Jerry: Then it was trash.
George: But it wasn't down in, it was sorta...on top.
Jerry: But it was in the cylinder.
George: Above the rim.
Jerry: Adjacent to refuse is refuse.
George: It was on a magazine, and it still had the doily on.
Jerry: Was it eaten?
George: One little bite.
Jerry: Well, that's garbage.
George: But I know who took the bite. It was her aunt.
Jerry: Well, you my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.

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The Bizarro Jerry - S8-E3

Jerry: She had man hands.
Elaine: Man hands?
Jerry: The hands of a man. It's like a creature out of Greek mythology. I mean, she was like part woman, part horrible beast.
Elaine: Well, would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?
Jerry: Would she have hooks?
Elaine: Do uh, do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?
Jerry: Kinda cool looking.

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Bishop73

The Good Samaritan - S3-E20

George: Well, she apologized, and then she wanted to know if we could get together Wednesday afternoon.
Jerry: Get together?
George: Maybe she just wants to talk to me.
Elaine: Married women don't "get together", they have affairs.
George: Oh my God, an affair. It's so adult. It's like with stockings and martinis and William Holden. On the other hand, it probably wouldn't cost me any money.

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Bishop73

The Good Samaritan - S3-E20

Elaine: What does it mean anyways, "God bless you"? It's a stupid stuperstition.
Jerry: A stupid what?
Elaine: Whatever.

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Bishop73

The Good Samaritan - S3-E20

George: I said "God bless you", is that so wrong?
Jerry: The question is, did you allow a space for the husband to come in with his "God bless you"? Because, as the husband, he has the right of first refusal.
George: Yes, yes, I definitely waited. But let me say this, once he passes on that option, that "God bless you" is up for grabs.
Jerry: No argument, unless she's one of these multiple sneezers and he's holding his "God bless you" in advance until she completes the series.
George: Well I don't think she is a multiple sneezer, because she sneezed again later, and it it was also a single.
Jerry: What if she's having an off night?

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Bishop73

The Voice - S9-E2

Kramer: They're redoing the Cloud Club.
Jerry: Oh, that restaurant on top of the Chrysler Building? Yeah, that's a good idea.
Kramer: Of course it is. It's my idea.
Jerry: Which part? The renovating the restaurant you don't own part, or the spending the two hundred million you don't have part?

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The Handicap Spot - S4-E22

[Jerry and Elaine found out that the TV that they gave to Drake and his girlfriend was given to his girlfriend after they broke up.]
Jerry: We're not getting that TV back.
George: What do you mean? I mean you gave it to them, we get it back.
Elaine: The Drakette took it.
George: She can't take it. It's not hers, it's theirs. Once there's no theirs, there's no hers. It should be ours.

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bobthedancingdonut

The Seven - S7-E13

[George wants to name his first child "Seven" in honor of Mickey Mantle.]
Jerry: Yeah, I guess I could see it. Seven. Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day, roughly seven stitches per beating, and eventually seven years to life.

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The Opposite - S5-E22

George: My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

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The Suicide - S3-E15

Jerry: Let me ask you someting. If you named a kid "Rasputin", do you think it would have a negative effect on his life?

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Jerry: You can't keep avoiding her.
George Costanza: Why not? If she can't find me, she can't break up with me.

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Cosmo Kramer: If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.

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Jerry: I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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Cosmo Kramer: Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty.

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Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

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George Costanza: It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong.

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George Costanza: Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.

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The Wink - S7-E4

Elaine: So you're saying that 95% of the population is undateable?
Jerry: UNDATEABLE!
Elaine: Then how are all these people getting together?
Jerry: Alcohol.

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The Big Salad - S6-E2

Elaine: Maybe there's more to Newman than meets the eye.
Jerry: No. There's not. There's less.
Elaine: Well, maybe there is and we just don't know it.
Jerry: No, trust me. I've looked into his eyes. He's pure evil.

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Kramer: It's a write off for them.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is, do you?
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No, I don't.
Kramer. Well they do, and they're the ones writing it off.
Jerry: I wish I had the last 20 seconds of my life back.

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