Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: Barney, look at the way you eat pancakes.
Wally Bunting: How does he eat pancakes?
Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: He has a system for eating pancakes.
Barney Coopersmith: So the bottom pancake gets the same amount of syrup as the first.
Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: He has a system for everything.
[The self destruction cancellation button is out of order.]
Dark Helmet: F**k! Even in the future nothing works!
Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it!
[The gunman turns around and is cross-eyed.]
Gunman: Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Cross-eyed gunman 2: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that, what's his name?
Col. Sanders: That is his name, sir. "Asshole." Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole too, sir. Gunners mate, Second-class Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship, anyhow?
Everyone on the ship: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes.
Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.
Dark Helmet: Shit! I hate getting my Schwartz twisted!
Dark Helmet: WHAT? You went over my helmet?
Dark Helmet: So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
Dark Helmet: Druish princess are often attracted to money and power, and I have both, and you know it.
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