Henry: Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that.
Ula: How do you think I get the dolphins to do double-flips and play with the white kids?
Lucy: Yeah, that's right. Take that! And that! And that! And that! And that.
Henry: You got him. You got him. Enough. Enough.
Lucy: Are you okay?
Lucy: Okay, I'll be right back. Hey! Come here.
Henry: No, no, no. I think he's had enough. I'm sorry.
Ula: My eye.
Henry: You got him.
Lucy: Not good enough.
Ula: Oh, Kamehameha.
Henry: He learned his lesson.
Henry: Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good.
Ula: Give me your wallet. Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island, eat our pineapple.
Henry: Help me! Not so hard. Take it easy.
Ula: Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room.
Henry: Okay. What does that have to do with this? Relax. Hey! Hey! Help me, please.
Ula: Stupid haole.
Henry: See what happens when you play with sharks.
Ula: Sharks are like dogs, they only bite when you touch their private parts.
T.J. Hicks: See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow: Where?
T.J. Hicks: Man-whoring! See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow: Man-whoring?
T.J. Hicks: Stock market! But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring.
T.J. Hicks: This next date is what we man-pimps call a doozy.
Deuce Bigalow: What's wrong with this one?
T.J. Hicks: Nothin'.
Deuce Bigalow: Have you seen her? What is she 80? A hunchback?
T.J. Hicks: She just got outta college. Some of her girlfriends pitched in to get her a little beefcake. She thinks it's a blind date.
Deuce Bigalow: It's a guy isn't it?
T.J. Hicks: I don't think so, but I have been fooled before.
Kate: I don't see how it could possibly be pleasurable for a woman. I just don't think it's natural. You're not supposed to go up there. To tell you the truth, I don't know how men do it either.
Deuce Bigalow: You're not curious, just to try something new?
Kate: I'm just not into it.
Deuce Bigalow: So space exploration is definitely out for you?
Kate: Definitely. I mean, more power to any woman who wants to be an astronaut. I just wouldn't do it. Frankly, I'd rather take it up the butt.
Fluisa: You ever parked your bicycle in an airplane hangar?
Deuce Bigalow: I'm sorry?
Fluisa: You ever thrown a toothpick into a volcano?
Detective Fowler: Do the letters T and J mean anything to you?
Deuce Bigalow: I don't know. Turkey Jizz?