Quotes from Ricky Gervais movies and TV shows

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Bertram Pincus: Did anything usual happen during my operation?
Surgeon: You... uh... died for seven minutes.
Bertram Pincus: I died! For seven minutes.
Surgeon: We brought you right back. People die all the time.
Bertram Pincus: Yeah, but it's usually just once... at the end.

Bertram Pincus: We live alone, and then we die alone. And apparently, we stay alone.

Bertram Pincus: Only floss the teeth that you want to keep.

Bertram Pincus: I was dead and now they brought me back. I can... I can.
Frank Herlihy: The dead have a lot of unfinished business, which is why we're still here.

Bertram Pincus: All work and no play makes Jack - a vital member of society.

Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... Makes me think of your vagina.

David Brent: I don't look upon this like it's the end, I look upon it like it's moving on, you know. It's almost like my work here's done. I can't imagine Jesus going 'Oh, I've told a few people in Bethlehem I'm the son of God, can I just stay here with Mum and Dad now?' No. You gotta move on. You gotta spread the word. You gotta go to Nazareth, please. And that's, very much like... Me. My world does not end within these four walls, Slough's a big place. And when I've finished with Slough, there's Reading, Aldershot, Bracknell, you know I've got to... Didcott, Yately. You know. My... Winersh, Taplow. Because I am my own boss, I can... Burfield. I can wake up one morning and go 'Ooh, I don't feel like working today, can I just stay in bed?' 'Ooh, don't know, better ask the boss.' 'David can I stay in bed all day?' 'Yes you can David.' Both me, that's not me in bed with another bloke called David.

Episode 6 - S2-E6

David Brent: If you want the rainbow you got to take the rain too. You know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.

David Brent: You just have to accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

Christmas Special (2) - S99-E2

David Brent: Hey Chris.
Chris Finch: Yeah?
David Brent: Why don't you fuck off?

Space Monkey - S1-E1

Ricky Gervais: Karl is an ongoing experiment for me, because I've seen him blossom from an idiot into an imbecile and I want to see it through.

Space Monkey - S1-E1

Ricky Gervais: This is what's amazing. Even though he's talking about things like MP3 players, computers, iPods, he sounds like he was in a glacier, thawed out, and sort of taught to speak.
Stephen Merchant: And we're a couple of high-school guys who found him. We're trying to ingratiate him in the gang trying to pass him off as someone from the modern day.

Space Monkey - S1-E1

Karl Pilkington: But my thing with iPods is... Now do we need 'em? Know what I mean? We're living in that era now where we have invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about.
Ricky Gervais: They said that in 1900. Someone actually said everything that's to be invented has already been invented, they said that in 1900 and how wrong were they?
Karl Pilkington: No but what came out, what was invented in that year where they went, "Right that's it now."
Ricky Gervais: The 20th century. Think what happened in the 20th century.
Karl Pilkington: Go on.
Ricky Gervais: Well, planes.
Karl Pilkington: Yeah, but is that a good thing, planes and that? Do you need a plane really? Wouldn't it have been better if we all stuck where we should be instead of travelling about?

Bugsy: How did you find us?
Charles De Girl: Well, the was the plane and the explosion. And the screaming, and the pleading. More screaming. The begging, the crying, the whining, whinging, yelling, boohooing.
Valiant: Yes, um, enough about that.
Bugsy: Definitely, yes.

Bugsy: I've been shanghaiiiied.

Lofty: Could you burp on cue?
Bugsy: Yeah, I can burp on all the letters, not just Q.

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