Quotes from Joel McHale movies and TV shows

Introduction to Film - S1-E3

Jeff Winger: Hey! Troy sneezes like a girl!
Troy: How about I pound you like a boy...that didn't come out right.

Comparative Religion - S1-E12

Jeff Winger: To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone. But I would also never stand in line for it.

Anthropology 101 - S2-E1

Jeff Winger: Have you learned nothing from your insipid Twilight books? Men are monsters who crave young flesh.

Pilot - S1-E1

Abed: I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, well you have Aspergers.

Pilot - S1-E1

Jeff Winger: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah!
Duncan: Interesting, it's just that the average person has a much harder time saying 'booyah' to moral relativism.

Pilot - S1-E1

Duncan: I'm a Professor. You can't talk to me that way!
Jeff Winger: A 6 year old girl could talk to you that way!
Duncan: Yes, because that would be adorable.
Jeff Winger: No, because you're a 5 year old girl and there's a pecking order!

Introduction to Film - S1-E3

Shirley: Isn't Abed's dad like a hardcore Muslim? They're not as forgiving as Christians. He'll cut your head off with a salami sword.
Annie Edison: Shirley! That is the most racist thing I've ever heard.
Jeff Winger: Pierce will top that in one minute.

Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6

Abed Nadir: Will they or won't they? Sexual tension.
Jeff Winger: Abed, it makes the group uncomfortable when you talk about us like we're characters in a show you're watching.
Abed Nadir: Well, that's sort of my gimmick. But we did lean on it pretty hard last week. I can lay low for an episode.

Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6

Troy Barnes: You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player! It's in your blood!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your soul!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
Troy Barnes: That's gay?
Jeff Winger: That's homophobic.
Troy Barnes: That's black.
Jeff Winger: THAT'S racist!
Troy Barnes: Damn.

Beginner Pottery - S1-E19

Jeff Winger: It's the ultimate blow-off class. This class is like a redhead who likes to drink and watch Die Hard. I suggest you get her number.

Basic Rocket Science - S2-E4

Jeff Winger: Greendale may be a toilet, but it's our toilet, and nobody craps in it but us.

Modern Warfare - S1-E23

Britta Perry: Oh my God, you've been hit!
Jeff Winger: What? Oh no! Wait, wait... It's blood. I thought it was paint but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!

Modern Warfare - S1-E23

Annie Edison: Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
Jeff Winger: There is no Britta and Jeff!
Pierce Hawthorne: He said, fully erect.

Cooperative Calligraphy - S2-E8

Shirley Bennett: Uh, Jeff, you don't have a bag?
Jeff Winger: Oh, I could never deprive the world of a portion of my chest the strap would cover.

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