Quotes from Thomas Haden Church movies and TV shows

Mr. Griffith: I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... But I can assure you, they're not all diamonds."Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass?

More Easy A quotes

Ray Wincott: I wanted to tell Kyle, I wanted him to know the truth. But the way he looked at me, the way he looked up to me... I just couldn't do it. A hero always tells the truth no matter what people think about him or no matter what the consequences are. And you have always been that way Justin.

More Max quotes

Jack: Are you still seeing that shrink?
Miles Raymond: I saw him on Monday. I spent most of the time helping him with his computer.
Jack: Well, I say, fuck therapy. And what is that stuff you take... Xanax?
Miles Raymond: And Lexapro, yes.
Jack: Well, I say, fuck that too. You need to get your joint worked on, Miles.

Jack: Try to be your normal, humorous self. The guy you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy? People love that guy.

Jack: Do not drink too much. Do you hear me? I don't want you passing out or going in the dark side. No going in the dark side.
Miles Raymond: Okay.

Jack: Somebody had to do the talking. And by the way, I was right. She's not married.
Miles Raymond: How do you know?
Jack: No rock. When she came to the bar, sans rock.

Cammi: And here are your handy wipes.
Jack: Oh, so that's what these are. For a minute there I thought you guys were promoting safe sex.

Jack: I'm trying to get you a little action, I'd appreciate a little help.

Jack: Speak for yourself. I get chicks lookin' at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too.
Miles Raymond: Well, it's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free.
Jack: You need to get laid, Miles. You know what? That's going to be my best man gift to you this week. I'm gonna get you laid.
Miles Raymond: Wonderful.
Jack: I'm not gonna get you a gift certificate or a pen knife or any of that other horse shit.
Miles Raymond: I'd rather have a knife.

Miles Raymond: Now the cards are on the table.
Jack: Yes, they are.

Jack: If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot.
Miles Raymond: No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot.

Miles Raymond: Hey, what should I wear?
Jack: I don't know, something casual but nice. They think you're a writer.

Jack: This chick Stephanie, she's got it all goin' on.
Miles Raymond: Well, she is cute, yeah.
Jack: Cute? She's a fuckin' hottie. And you almost tell her that I'm gettin' married? What's the matter with you?

Jack: Yo! Yo! Here's my boy! Here's my boy! But who's your daddy? Now who is your daddy?
Miles Raymond: Put me down, Jack.
Jack: I'm so proud of you! Let me love you! So tell me everything. Details. I like details.
Miles Raymond: No.
Jack: What?
Miles Raymond: It's private.
Jack: You're kidding, right? Tell me what happened, you fucker, or I'll tie your dick in a knot.
Miles Raymond: Let's leave it alone.
Jack: You didn't get any, did you? You're a homo.

Jack: You gotta help me! You gotta help me.

Miles Raymond: She tell you she was married?
Jack: Yeah.
Miles Raymond: So what the fuck were you thinking?
Jack: Wasn't supposed to be back 'til six. Fucker rolls in at five.

Jack: Listen, honey. Let me call you right back. Miles and I are in the middle of something. No, it's nothing serious, Miles is just having one of his freak-outs. Yeah. Love you too.

Jack: Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble, you're dead, asshole.

Jack: Bet ya that chick's two tons of fun. You know, the grateful type?

More Sideways quotes

Vanessa Wetherhold: Everybody hates me.
Chuck Wetherhold: If you tell people they're stupid, they'll usually hate you.

More Smart People quotes

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