Quotes from Dane Cook movies and TV shows

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Below are some quotes involving Dane Cook - click the title to view the complete list. If you think their finest moments are missing from the full list, please submit them.

Vince: Do you know what this is? [Holds up a Sharpie.]
Zack: Yes, that is a ten times larger than life replica of your penis.

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Vince: Well, I guess I can get a little anal...
Zack: Actually, I hear he gets alot.

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Mr. Smith: If you're planning on doing anything...
Mr. Brooks: We're both aware of the rules Mr. Smith, but I feel I must warn you that if you enjoy killing, it can become very addictive; it can ruin your life.

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Tank: [sitting watching "Ghost" and crying.] God, I'm a fag.

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Tank: The only funny thing that will ever come out of you, is me!

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Tank: I tried like a motherfucker to follow you in. But this door does like a lock thing when you are inside. Anyway here is what I'm thinking, we start with a blow job. I turn what most girls think is a chore into a training session.

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Tank: How do I bump into her?
Craig: She's a high school English teacher.
Tank: I can't really hang around high school these days, unfortunately.

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Tank: I would kick you in the ass, but my foot might get sucked in.
Alexis: Well I would kick you in the dick, but my foot might get Herpes.

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Tank: Whats the plan for tonight? Bring this girl back here. Pop open a bottle of chloroform. Insert tab A in slot B, repeat as necessary.

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Tank: How was I suppose to know it was your sister? How was I suppose to know? It was dark, I was drunk and I thought it was you. Oh she's pregnant, too? You tell your sister, I will make a donation to planned parenthood in her honor.

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