Officer Watkins: You called about your neighbors?
Mac Radner: No.
Officer Watkins: We have caller ID, we're cops, everybody has caller ID.
Mac Radner: They're using their sexuality as a weapon.
Paul: This is America. Kidnapping a Christian is worse than harboring a fugitive.
Angie Anderson: Fuck you Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?
Dale Denton: Like two and a half.
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What the fuck does that mean? Your hand?
Dale Denton: Yeah but if you do bad stuff you're going to come back as something bad like a slug or an anal bead. But if you do something heroic then you'll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be?
Red: The anal bead wouldn't be bad. I mean I guess it would depend on whose anal bead it was.
Dale Denton: It's *my* anal bead.
Saul: Start the car man, start the car!
Dale Denton: Yea, you see, me doing that and you saying it is obviously helping.
Saul: Well start it!
Dale Denton: I can't...the batteries are must be dead.
Saul: What do you mean the batteries are dead?
Dale Denton: The batteries are dead...I don't know any other way to possibly explain this to you.
Dale Denton: What the fuck's in there, a rancor!?
Saul: BF... FF?
Dale Denton: Best Fuckin' Friends Forever, man!
Steve Wozniak: What do you do? You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. I built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
Steve Jobs: Musicians play their instruments. I play the orchestra.
Steve Wozniak: We will know soon enough if you are Leonardo da Vinci or just think you are.
Steve Wozniak: It's not binary. You can be decent and gifted at the same time.
Officer Slater: May we see your identification? [Takes it.] McLovin? [pauses.] That's a cool name.
Fogell: Wha... Wha...
Officer Slater: Yeah, people have weird names nowadays. Once I arrested this man-lady, and his legal first name was "Fuck."
Officer Michaels: He was Vietnamese, so it was spelled "Ph, " but still that's pretty jarring to see on a drivers license.
Officer Michaels: Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law!
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