Captain Dickson: Hey, you two stop dicking around!
Captain Dickson: Congratulations, you managed to un-fuck a situation you originally already fucked up!
Captain Dickson: I wish I could have you un-fuck my daughter but I'll let that be in the past. Now you two, for your next mission, you two sons of bitches going to medical school!
Captain Dickson: This is bullshit! Waiter, can a black man get some water?
Schmidt: Someone get the fucking man some water. He's black, he's been through a lot.
Sherman Schrader: Yeah, cool guys. Let's start this fake college, and then we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. Come on, it's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.
Bartleby Gaines: Does the run-of-the-mill college experience include stripping you of your dignity? Totally humiliating you, making you wear a... a... frigging hot dog suit?
Sherman Schrader: It's a tradition.
Bartleby Gaines: A tradition?
Sherman Schrader: Yes.
Bartleby Gaines: I've got a tradition for you. Schrader, you've been my best friend since we were 5 years old. That's the only tradition I know.
Sherman Schrader: Yes! Yes! I want it! I want everything you guys have! I want Lilac shirts! I want visors kinda tilted to the side with hair gel coming out of them! I want to have sex with girls that look like this.
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, come on. Don't be scared.
Sherman Schrader: Scared? I'm not scared. You're scared.
Hands: Schrader, you were scared to try the new flavor of Dr. Pepper.
Sherman Schrader: I told you that in confidence Hands.
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, you were afraid when you're tooth fell out because you were terrified of the Tooth Fairy.
Sherman Schrader: That's actually a legitimate fear. She was rifling through my shit.