Barry Zuckerkorn: So basically you're about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it's a private stock so you can not just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell
Michael: Are you sure?
Barry Zuckerkorn: That's what it said on 'Ask Jeeves'.
Lucille: The company is in danger.
Michael: What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?
Jenny Widgeon: I was wondering what the grammatical significance of that sentence is: "Why run from fire ants?"
Guy Trilby: Well, every vowel's in there, starting with the u, going to the a. Right, it's backwards?
Jenny Widgeon: ...Well, I guess it's pretty easy, y'know, for a sentence. Y'know, I wish there was one word that had all the vowels in it in alphabetical order.
Guy Trilby: "Facetious."
Jenny Widgeon: Sonofabitch.
Guy Trilby: Hey, Moms, let's break out the rubber pillowcases tonight. Little pricks, you're gonna be countin' tears, not sheep.
Guy Trilby: I'm not that good at a lot of stuff. Especially thinking things through. And that's why this plan was so shitty. But my feelings were hurt, and I'm glad I at least did something about it. Making bad decisions is nothing new to me.
Joel: What is it with women? Y'know, they say they don't care about looks - they just want a guy who's smart and funny - but they always just end up laughing at whatever the good-looking stupid guy says.
Ron: Normally, friendships grow organically. And if they don't serve both parties, they just kind of dissipate.
Simon: Yeah, that'd be great.
Ron: What you're talking about is, you know, an asymmetric thing. A one-sided friendship? I mean, essentially you're being forced into a breakup.