Michael Scott: Hi, I'm Michael Scott. And for the next 40 minutes, I am going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance. One of the great, seemingly impossible love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's Dictionary defines "wedding" as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals. For those of you who don't know me. I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss.Bishop73
Michael Scott: I ran down Meredith with my car.
Ryan Howard: Oh! Did you do this on purpose?
Michael: No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be-
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael: Yes. It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy. We are fine.
Ryan: I don't, I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael: Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is "we're fine"?
Dodge: I just can't spend the last month of my life getting to know someone. It's ridiculous.
Diane: You don't like Karen?
Dodge: I couldn't possibly give a shit. I am not gonna sit across from someone and hear all their stories, even if she was someone I could be interested in, because I just... I'm not sure that the month between my wife leaving me and the end of the world sounds like good timing. Do you?
Frank: So, you're here to tell me all the things I did wrong?
Dodge: No, you know all the things you did wrong.
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