Quotes from Steve Carell movies and TV shows - page 4 of 5

Dr. Feld: What about oral sex?
Kay: I wasn't...I wasn't comfortable with that.
Dr. Feld: Giving or receiving?
Kay: Huh?

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Burt Wonderstone: Are you a lesbian?
Jane: Is every woman who doesn't sleep with you a lesbian?
Burt Wonderstone: Oh, no, I have slept with plenty of lesbians.

Burt Wonderstone: Anton, what could possibly go wrong?
Anton Marvelton: Somebody could die, we can go to prison.
Burt Wonderstone: See? When you say it out loud, it doesn't sound so bad.

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Michael Scott: This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.

Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?

Michael Scott: It's simply beyond words. It's incalculacable.

Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one."Little Kid Lover." That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

Michael Scott: That's what she said.

Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.

Michael Scott: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Wow. *Wow.* Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.

Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

Michael Scott: Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam. And me.

Michael Scott: I swore to myself if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh as they saw me coming, and they'd applaud as I walked away.

Valentine's Day - S2-E16

Michael Scott: Well, here we go, on our way to New York. New York, New York. The city so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.


Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.

Diversity Day - S1-E2

Michael Scott: Stir the pot! Stir the melting pot, Pam! Let's do it. Let's get ugly. Let's get real.
Pam Beesly: [To Dwight with the "Asian" card on his forehead] Okay. If I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, man, am I a woman?


The Dundies - S2-E1

Jan Levison: You already had a party on May 5th for no reason.
Michael Scott: No reason! It was the 05-05-05 party. It happens once every billion years.
Jan: And you had a luau. And the tsunami relief fundraiser, which somehow lost a lot of money.
Michael: Okay, no, that was a fun raiser. I think I made that very clear in the flyers. Fun, F-U-N.
Jan: Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami fun raiser, Michael.


Performance Review - S2-E8

Michael Scott: Can I ask you a question?
Jan Levison: No.
Michael: This is a business question. It's nothing personal. I promise.
Jan: Fine.
Michael: Are you wearing new perfume today?
Jan: How is that a business question?
Michael: Well, you're wearing it in the office. And...[sniffs Jan]...It... I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy.
Jan: Please don't smell me, Michael.


Casino Night - S2-E22

Michael Scott: And another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby?
Toby Flenderson: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's...uh...you know, there's gambling and alcohol. And it's in our dangerous warehouse. And it's a school night. And Hooters is catering. Is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: [long pause] Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, ever time I try to do something fun, or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate, so much, about the things that you choose to be.

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