Quotes from Seth MacFarlane movies and TV shows - page 3 of 4

Brian: Portrait of a Dog - S1-E7

Lois: I'm a little worried about Stewie.
Peter: Lois, can we stop talking about curtains for just a second?

I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

[Stewie plays with his Sesame Street phone.]
Ernie's voice: Do you know what sound a cow makes?
Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie! I've already dispatched with Mr.Hooper, I've got six armed men stationed outside Big Bird's nest and as for Linda, well it's rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin aproach, now isn't it?

Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Peter: Y'know I feel kinda bad you guys, I promised my wife I wouldn't drink tonight.
Quagmire: Aw, Don't feel bad, Peter.
Peter: Huh. Gee, I never thought of it like that.

Running Mates - S2-E10

Peter: Brian, I am just as non-competitive as anyone else. As a matter of fact I'm the most non-competitive, so I win.

North by North Quahog - S4-E1

Peter: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh no Peter! How could they do that?
Peter: Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, And Greg The Bunny...
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.

Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Quagmire: Hey, who want's to play drink the beer?
Peter: Right here! [Drinks]
Quagmire: Heh, you win!
Peter: All right! What do I win?
Quagmire: Another beer!
Peter: Oh I'm going for the high score!
Quagmire: Well actually, Charlie's got the high score.
Charlie: Hey, man! Your clock won't flush. (00:03:44)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Charlie: What is this!?
Peter: Ah man, my kid must have taped over this for History Class.
Group: Aaawweeee!
Guy: The Statue of Liberty? What are we gonna do!?
Peter: Boys, we're going to drink till she's hot.
Quagmire: Hey, that's just crazy enough to work! (00:04:24)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Meg: Oh my God, you got fired!?
Chris: Way to go, dad! Fight the machine!
Stewie: How do you know about the machine!?
Peter: Now don't worry, kids. Your father's still going to put food on this table. Just not as much so it might get a little bit competitive.
Meg: Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!
Brian: Hey, Peter. Can we put her out in the yard for a while? (00:07:10)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Lois: Stewie, who don't you go play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell!?
Lois: Well, no desert for you, young man. (00:12:06)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Meg: Dad, we can't leave now. My entire life depends on getting my license. If I can't drive, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married, and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
Peter: Meg, are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive? (00:04:43)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Peter: Hey Meg, you mind cleaning out the shower next time you shave your legs? It's like a carpet in there. (00:07:06)

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Chitty Chitty Death Bang - S1-E3

Peter: Chris, this is a big day for you. The day you become the man of the house. Because when we get home, you're mother is going to kill me. (00:07:35)

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Chitty Chitty Death Bang - S1-E3

Brian: Bravo, Peter. You are the Spalding Gray of crap. (00:09:33)

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More Family Guy quotes

Stewie Griffin: Look, I really don't want to go to hell, but I can't stop my nature. I'm just a hateful person.
Brian Griffin: You're not hateful you just need to control your anger. Like I do.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you mean by being sauced all day! Wait a minute! Of Course! That's it! If I'm drunk I'll be calm and if I'm calm I'll be nice, and if I'm nice then I won't go to hell. Fix me a highball I'm going to get good and tight.

Horace: Hey, is he 18?
Brian Griffin: Horace, the drinking age is 21.
Horace: Oh.

Peter Griffin: Another thing that grinds my gears is when I can't find the droids I'm looking for.
Stormtrooper: Yeah, me too. What gives with that?

Stewie Griffin: Ewwww, a band-aid.

Stewie Griffin: Let me tell you something Nessa, a bullet sounds the same in every language. So stick a fucking sock in it, you cow.

Diane Simmons: In other news, after several grueling days of frightening uncertainty, I finally get my period.
Tom Tucker: Well Diane, I'm sure you and your brother must be devastated by the loss of the two-headed offspring that might have been.

More Family Guy: Stewie Griffin The Untold Story quotes

Anna: You're a good sheep farmer!
Albert: Oh my god, please! I suck at sheep. Louise was right, I can't keep track of them. There was a sheep in the whorehouse the last week.
Anna: Really?
Albert: Yeah. Wandered in there, and then when I went to pick it up, somehow it had made 20 dollars.

More A Million Ways to Die in the West quotes

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