T.J. Hicks: Deuce, you the best he-bitch in my man stable. If I had two more manginas like you, I'd be a millionaire.
T.J. Hicks: See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow: Where?
T.J. Hicks: Man-whoring! See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow: Man-whoring?
T.J. Hicks: Stock market! But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring.
T.J. Hicks: You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.
T.J. Hicks: This next date is what we man-pimps call a doozy.
Deuce Bigalow: What's wrong with this one?
T.J. Hicks: Nothin'.
Deuce Bigalow: Have you seen her? What is she 80? A hunchback?
T.J. Hicks: She just got outta college. Some of her girlfriends pitched in to get her a little beefcake. She thinks it's a blind date.
Deuce Bigalow: It's a guy isn't it?
T.J. Hicks: I don't think so, but I have been fooled before.
T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: Those mother fuckers.
Deuce Bigalow: We're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone.
T.J. Hicks: I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part that's bothering me. I mean, if I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. But a gay pimp? Like, where am I going? Vermont?
T.J. Hicks: I ain't gay! I was just looking down his pants 'cause I heard his shlong was so big, and juicy! No wait! That didn't sound right.
T.J. Hicks: What is that? That is not a dick in my hand. Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand.
The Chief: I'm tired of you disrespecting me! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire your black-ass?
Undercover Brother: Because I... don't... work for you?
The Chief: Shut UP! Save the smart comments for the chunky brother in the smock.
Undercover Brother: Wait a minute, how'd the white boy get a job at "the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D."?
The Chief: Shit, what can I say? Affirmative action.
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