Hugh Laurie

Quotes from Hugh Laurie movies and TV shows - page 2 of 4

Heavy - S1-E16

House: I'm thinking I can convince Vogler it'll be more cost-efficient to keep all of them.
Dr. Wilson: You should be able to pull that off. Most billionaires aren't very good with numbers.
House: It will be more cost-efficient once I grab Cameron's ass, call Forman a spade, and Chase...well, I'll grab his ass too.

Histories - S1-E10

Dr. Wilson: You really don't need to know everything about everybody.
House: I don't need to watch The O.C., but it makes me happy.

Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7

House: You told me you hadn't changed your diet or exercise. Were you lying?
Samantha: Lying?
House: Does your husband have high blood pressure?
Samantha: My husband?
House: Yeah, see, if you're going to repeat everything I say, this conversation's going to take twice as long.

Dr. Foreman: You figure that anybody that gives a crap about people in Africa must be full of it?
House: Yes. There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function.
Dr. Foreman: Hmmm. So, the great humanitarian's as selfish as the rest of us.
House: Just not as honest about it.

Sex Kills - S2-E14

House: When guys have brain-crotch problems it's usually the result of using one too much and the other too little.

Skin Deep - S2-E13

Dr. Cameron: Could we talk about her health instead of her breasts?
House: Could be relevant. Come on Cameron, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Many women develop breasts.

The Mistake - S2-E8

Stacy: If Chase screwed up so bad then why didn't you fire him?
House: He has great hair.

Humpty Dumpty - S2-E3

Dr. Cameron: He's not clotting properly; it looks like a mild case of DIC.
House: Well obviously not that mild. If this keeps up his hand is literally dead meat. His hand is connected to his arm; his arm is connected to... I'm not sure, but I bet it's important.

Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen!

The Socratic Method - S1-E6

Dr. House: Love the outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part.
Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.

Maternity - S1-E4

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: [Showing her sonogram.] It has your eyes.

More House, M.D. quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Check out the mistake & trivia books, on Kindle and in paperback.