Quotes from Martin Freeman movies and TV shows

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Lester Nygaard: Aw, heck.

Slartibartfast: You must come with me, quickly or, or you'll be late!
Arthur: Late for what?
Slartibartfast: What? Oh, no...What is your name, earthman?
Arthur: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent. It's a kind of threat, you see.

Arthur: Normality? We can talk about normality until the cows come home.
Ford: What is normal?
Trillian: What is home?
Zaphod: What are cows?

Arthur Dent: You're President, can't you do anything?
Zaphod Beedlebrox: Presidents don't actually have power. Their job is to draw attention away from it.

Bilbo: Why don't we have a game of riddles?
Gollum: And if he looses? What then? Well, if he looses, precious, then we eats it! If Baggins looses, we eats it whole!
Bilbo: Fair enough.

Bilbo: Oh, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit if any. Seems fair. Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... Incineration?
Bofur: Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.
Balin: You all right, laddie?
Bilbo: Yeah, I'll be. Feel a bit faint.
Bofur: Think furnace, with wings.
Bilbo: Yeah, I-I-I need air.
Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof, you're nothing more than a pile of ash.
Bilbo: [Long pause.] No. [Bilbo faints.].

Bilbo: Good Morning!
Gandalf: What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good on this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?
Bilbo: All of them at once.

Gandalf: You'll have a tale or two to tell when you come back.
Bilbo Baggins: Can you promise that I will come back?
Gandalf: No. And if you do, you'll not be the same.

Old Bilbo: My dear Frodo, you asked me once if I had told you everything there was to know about my adventures. While I can honestly say I've told you the truth, I may not have told you all of it.

Bilbo Baggins: I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins, of Bag End!

A Scandal in Belgravia - S2-E1

Sherlock Holmes: Punch me in the face.
John Watson: Punch you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
John Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.

A Study in Pink - S1-E1

John Watson: I just met a friend of yours.
Sherlock Holmes: A friend?
John Watson: An enemy.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh. Which one?
John Watson: Your arch-enemy, according to him. Do people have arch-enemies?
Sherlock Holmes: Did he offer you money to spy on me?
John Watson: Yes.
Sherlock Holmes: Did you take it?
John Watson: No...
Sherlock Holmes: Pity, we could have split the fee. Think it through next time.

Cubs Fan Premium member

A Scandal in Belgravia - S2-E1

John Watson: What are we doing here, Sherlock, what?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know.
John Watson: Here to see the queen?
[Mycroft Holmes walks around the corner.]
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, apparently yes.

Friso94

The Empty Hearse - S3-E2

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock...
Sherlock Holmes: Hmmm?
Mrs. Hudson: Talk to John.
Sherlock Holmes: I tried talking to him. He's made his position quite clear.
John Watson: [in his office, putting on a latex glove with his middle finger raised.] Just relax, Mr. Summerson.
Mrs. Hudson: What did he say?
Sherlock Holmes: F...
John Watson: [in his office, examining Mr. Summerson.] Cough.
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, dear.

Chitarra10

Oliver: Can we not talk about my sister in relation to, A, massive wide-ons, and B, Steven's erect penis?

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