Quotes from Julie Kavner movies and TV shows

Mom: Uncle Max, have you seen Timon?
Uncle Max: No, I haven't... And what a day it's been. No fractures, no lacerations, concussions, contusions of any sort. As a matter of fact there's no sign of Timon's handy-work anywhere.

Mom: Everything the light touches... Belongs to someone else.
Timon: Funny, I thought you were going in a whole different direction.

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Homer Simpson: Marge, in every marriage you get one chance to say, "I need you to do this with me." And there's only one answer when somebody says that.
Marge Simpson: OK Homie, I'm with ya.
Homer: Thank you my sweetheart.
Bart Simpson: Mom?
Marge: Yes honey?
Bart: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertiliser salesman!

Homer Simpson: Hey, Marge! Isn't it great being married to somebody who's recklessly impulsive?
Marge Simpson: Actually, it's aged me horribly.

Marge: You have to go out there, face that mob and apologize for what you did.
Homer: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you!
Carl: [offscreen.] No we won't! We just want Homer!
Homer: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa!
Abe: [offscreen.] I'm part of the mob!

Marge: He filled an entire silo with crap in two days?
Homer: I helped.

Marge Simpson: How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
Homer Simpson: Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig does whatever a Spider-Pig does... Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig. Look out, he is the Spider-Pig.

Marge Simpson: Bart, are you drinking whiskey?
Bart Simpson: [drunk.] I'm troubled!

Marge: What's the point of going to church every Sunday if someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right Grandpa?
Grandpa: I want bananas on my waffles!

Marge: Something happened to Grandpa!
Homer: I'll tell you what happened. A certain someone had a senior moment, but we love him, and he got us a free rug out of it.

Lisa: Wait, wait, wait, it looks like Maggie has something to say.
Marge: Oh my God, her first word!
Maggie: Sequel?

Marge Simpson: I hate being late.
Homer Simpson: Well I hate going. Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way: by praying like hell on my deathbed.
Marge Simpson: Homer, they can hear you inside!
Homer Simpson: Relax. Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God.
[Stony stares from the congregation.]
Homer Simpson: Hey, how you doing? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.

Marge: You can take Spiderpig with you...
Homer: He's not Spiderpig any more, he's Harry Plopper.

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All Singing, All Dancing - S9-E11

Marge: We got the popcorn. Did you get "Waiting to Exhale?"
Homer: Well, they put us on the "Waiting to Exhale" waiting list, but they said "Don't hold your breath."

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Homer to the Max - S10-E13

Marge: I don't want to snuggle with Max Power.
Homer: Max Power doesn't snuggle. You just strap yourself in and feel the Gs!

The Springfield Files - S8-E10

Marge: Have you been drinking?
Homer: No! Well, ten beers.

The Simpsons Christmas Special: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire - S1-E1

Marge: You will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas.
Homer: Yeah, if you want one you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance.

Marge vs. the Monorail - S4-E12

Marge: Homer, I think I've found someone who can help!
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: IT'S NOT BATMAN.

Lisa the Vegetarian - S7-E5

Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausage in that syrup Homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uh, Dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room!
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad?
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you barbecue-wrecking know-nothing know-it-all.

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Bart Gets an Elephant - S5-E17

[Homer is driving and crashes into a statue of a deer.]
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer.

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