Homer: Look at these bills: chains for elephant. Shots for elephant. Over-sized decorative poncho?
Bart: Technically it's for a giraffe, but I think I can let it out a little.
Homer: Well these bills will have to be paid out of your allowance.
Bart: You'll have to raise my allowance to about a thousand dollars a week.
Homer: Then that's what I'll do, smart guy.
Bart: May I be excused, Mom?
Homer: Oh, so now you're quitting dinner too.
Marge: Homer, please.
Homer: I didn't raise him to be a quitter, Marge. It must have been you. You've quit every job you've had. Cop, pretzel vendor, church counselor, professional gambler.
Marge: He's doing what he thinks is best.
Homer: Well if quitting is the best, maybe I should just quit my job. [Picks up the phone and calls Mr. Burns.]
Mr. Burns: Ahoy-hoy.
Homer: Mr. Burns, this is Homer J. Simpson. The father of the big quitter. Well I just wanted to tell you I'm a big quitter too, and I quit [winks at phone].
Marge: Homer, Mr. Burns can't see you winking.
Homer: So? [Screams].
Jack Bauer: Chloe, I need those schematics now.
Bart: What? Who is this?
Jack Bauer: I'm Jack Bauer. Who the hell are you?
Bart: Me? Uh, I'm Ahmed Adudi.
Jack Bauer: Chloe find out all you can about Ahmed Adudi. Does anyone there know Ahmed Adudi?
Chloe O'Brian: Ahmed Adudi: wealthy Saudi financier. Disappeared into Afghanistan in the late 90's.
Jack Bauer: Really?
Chloe O'Brian: No Jack, it's a joke name. You're being set up.
Jack Bauer: Dammit!
Moe: Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name: Jass. First name: Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. Uh, Hugh Jass. Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass.
Hugh Jass: I'm Hugh Jass.
Hugh Jass: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: Uh, hi.
Hugh Jass: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh Jass: Well what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look. I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh Jass: Alright, better luck next time [hangs up]. What a nice young man.
Bart: Uh, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.
Homer: Ooh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
Homer: I don't get it.
Bart: Yell out "I'll eat a booger."
Homer: What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it.
Groundskeeper Willie: Yeah, I bought your mutt, and I 'ate him. I 'ate his little face. I 'ate his guts. And I 'ate the way he's always barking, so I gave him to the church.
Bart: Oh, I see. You hate him, so you gave him to the church.
Groundskeeper Willie: Aye, I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug.
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