Quotes from Dan Castellaneta movies and TV shows - page 4 of 7

Hungry Hungry Homer - S12-E15

Homer: Who are you?
The Spirit of Cesar Chavez: The spirit of Cesar Chavez.
Homer: Why do you look like Cesar Romero?
The Spirit of Cesar Chavez: Because you don't know what Cesar Chavez looks like.

Phaneron Premium member

The Old Man and the Key - S13-E13

Homer: Here we are: Branson, Missouri.
Male Charles Bronson Lookalike: No, pally. This is Bronson, Missouri.
Lisa: Well how do we get to Branson?
Female Charles Bronson Lookalike: Number 10 bus.
Child Charles Bronson Lookalike: Hey Ma, how 'bout some cookies?
Female Charles Bronson Lookalike: No dice.
Child Charles Bronson Lookalike: This ain't over.

Phaneron Premium member

Moe Baby Blues - S14-E22

Marge: Ooh, a rattle. Thank you, Selma.
Moe: Yeah, great present, Selma. Nice of you to break a five.
Selma: Get a neck, Frankenstein.
Moe: Hey, open my present. Open my present. It's Uncle Moe's play tavern, with classic drunk Barney. Look, even the little toilet is broken.
Marge: I don't know if toy drunkards are an appropriate gift for a baby.
Moe: Sure they are. They even talk, look [flips switch on a Homer figurine].
Homer Figurine: I peed my pants.
Homer: I recorded that for private use!

Phaneron Premium member

I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can - S14-E12

George Plimpton: Welcome to the games of the 34th "Spellympiad." I'm George Plimpton, founder of "The Paris Review." I also play the evil dean in "Boner Academy."
Homer: You monster! Why did you expel Boogerman?
George Plimpton: He replaced my tennis racket with a rubber phallus.

Phaneron Premium member

I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can - S14-E12

George Plimpton: Alright, your word is "whether."
Sun Moon: Which one? Can you use it in a sentence?
George Plimpton: Certainly. "I don't know whether the weather will improve."
Sun Moon: Uh, ooh, W, uh, um, E... [gets disqualified]
George Plimpton: Alex, your word is "rigged." As in, "This contest is rigged."
Alex: R-I-G-G-E-D. "Wigged."
George Plimpton: Bravo, my pet. You shall be champion, assuming Lisa misspells this next word. The word is "intransigence."
Lisa: Could I please hear it in a sentence?
George Plimpton: Certainly. "The little girl's intransigence cost her the college of her choice."
Lisa: "Intransigence." I...
Homer: Daddy made it for your dance recital, honey!
Lisa: Dad, you do care.
Homer: Damn right. You're number one on my menu. Now super-size it.
Lisa: With you here, I can't fail. Attention everyone. I was asked to take a dive, but I won't do it! I-N-T-R-A-N-S-I-G-A-N-C-E.
George Plimpton: You fool, it's "E-N-C-E."
Lisa: Oh my god, you're right. I spelled it wrong. I tried my best and I failed.
George Plimpton: And now you lose everything. And I go back to whatever it is I do.

Phaneron Premium member

Tree House of Horror VIII - S9-E4

Professor Frink: Good morning, ma'am. Good afternoon, sir. It passed noon while I was speaking, so that was technically accurate.
Homer: He's crazy.

Phaneron Premium member

Bart Gets an Elephant - S5-E17

Homer: Look at these bills: chains for elephant. Shots for elephant. Over-sized decorative poncho?
Bart: Technically it's for a giraffe, but I think I can let it out a little.
Homer: Well these bills will have to be paid out of your allowance.
Bart: You'll have to raise my allowance to about a thousand dollars a week.
Homer: Then that's what I'll do, smart guy.

Phaneron Premium member

Mountain of Madness - S8-E12

Homer: You know, Mr. Burns, you're the richest guy I know. Way richer than Lenny.
Mr. Burns: Oh yes, but I'd trade it all for a little more.

Phaneron Premium member

Bart Star - S9-E6

Bart: May I be excused, Mom?
Homer: Oh, so now you're quitting dinner too.
Marge: Homer, please.
Homer: I didn't raise him to be a quitter, Marge. It must have been you. You've quit every job you've had. Cop, pretzel vendor, church counselor, professional gambler.
Marge: He's doing what he thinks is best.
Homer: Well if quitting is the best, maybe I should just quit my job. [Picks up the phone and calls Mr. Burns.]
Mr. Burns: Ahoy-hoy.
Homer: Mr. Burns, this is Homer J. Simpson. The father of the big quitter. Well I just wanted to tell you I'm a big quitter too, and I quit [winks at phone].
Marge: Homer, Mr. Burns can't see you winking.
Homer: So? [Screams].

Phaneron Premium member

Simpson Tide - S9-E19

Drill Sergeant: Attention on deck, Captain Tennille wishes to address you.
Captain Tennille: [Clears throat] I'm a man of few words. Any questions?
Homer: Uh, is the poop deck really what I think it is?

Phaneron Premium member

The Last Temptation of Krust - S9-E15

Hank WIlliams, Jr.: ♪Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive? Smells like a steak and seats thirty-five. Canyonero. Canyonero. Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down. It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown. Canyonero. Canyonero.
Krusty: Hey hey!
Announcer: The Federal Highway Commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Hank Williams, Jr.: ♪Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, 65 tons of American pride. Canyonero. Canyonero. Top of the line in utility sports. Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts. Canyonero. Canyonero. She blinds everybody with her super high beams. She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smackin', drivin' machine. Canyonero. Canyonero. Ya! Ya Canyonero! Whoa Canyonero! Whoa!

Phaneron Premium member

Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder - S11-E6

New this month
Lenny: Hey Homer, that's four strikes in a row. You've got a perfect game goin'.
Homer: Really?
Carl: Careful what you say, Lenny. You'll jinx it.
Lenny: Alright, sorry. Miss. Miss! Sorry, I was callin' the waitress. Uh, this split you sold me is makin' me choke.
Homer: Lenny!
Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
Carl: Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumb-wad!?
Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter mouth!

Phaneron Premium member

HOMR - S12-E9

New this month
Homer: Hey Flanders, headin' for church? Well, I thought I could save you a little time.
Flanders: Ooh, found a new shortcut?
Homer: Better. I was working on a flat-tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no god.

Phaneron Premium member

Das Bus - S9-E14

Homer: Ooh, they have the Internet on computers now!

Bart Gets an Elephant - S5-E17

[Homer is driving and crashes into a statue of a deer.]
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer.

Homer: To alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Homer: What are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

Lisa's Substitute - S2-E19

Lisa: Dad, you're not listening!
Homer: Hey! Just because I don't care it doesn't mean I'm not listening!

Homer: Please press any key. Where's the any key?

Bart Gets an Elephant - S5-E17

Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.

More The Simpsons quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Check out the mistake & trivia books, on Kindle and in paperback.