Mom: I knew this day was coming. I just... I didn't know you were going to be so fucking happy to be leaving.
Mason: I mean it's not that I'm that happy... What do you expect?
Mom: You know what I'm realising? My life is just going to go. Like that. This series of milestones. Getting married. Having kids. Getting divorced. The time that we thought you were dyslexic. When I taught you how to ride a bike. Getting divorced... Again. Getting my masters degree. Finally getting the job I wanted. Sending Samantha off to college. Sending you off to college. You know what's next? Huh? It's my fucking funeral! Just go, and leave my picture!
Mason: Aren't you jumping ahead by, like, 40 years or something?
Mom: I just thought there would be more.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Say, let's get married.
Kathy O'Hara: Huh?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Right now. Let's go to Vegas.
Kathy O'Hara: But, Eddie, it's pouring and the car top is stuck.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Phooey. It's only a five hour drive and it'll probably stop by the time we get to the desert. Heck, it'll probably stop by the time we get around the corner. Let's go.
Kathy O'Hara: Eddie's the only fella in town who doesn't pass judgment on people.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: That's right. If I did, I wouldn't have any friends.
Agent Tony: Do you mind if I look at your armpit?
Nancy Coplin: My armpit?
Agent Tony: It's my favorite part of a woman's body.
Joe Dubois: Ever since you made the decision not to go to law school, to go to work for the D.A. as a consultant, I don't know, you seem kinda.
Allison Dubois: Bitchy? Cranky? Pissed off?
Joe Dubois: You can read minds.
Allison Dubois: It's 9:00. How am I supposed to know you're OK? How do I know you're not lying dead somewhere?
Joe Dubois: If something had happened, somebody would've called. If I were dead, who are we kidding, you'd be the first to know.
Allison Dubois: How can you say that?
Joe Dubois: I move my lips, I push out air. There's nothing to it.
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