Jake: No, not Janey Briggs. She's got glasses. And a ponytail. Ugh, she's got paint on her overalls. What is that?
Jake: Hey Janey. What's up?
Janey: Excuse me?
Jake: So listen, you ever wondered what it'd be like to be the most popular girl in school?
Janey: You mean anorexic, superficial, a bitch, a whore who lacks any real long-term goals?
Jake: Uhhh ha ha... Exactly. So, if you're interested, I thought that maybe we could go out sometime, be seen in public together.
Janey: You haven't spoken to me in, like, four years Jake.
Jake: Actually, it's more like six, because the time you're referring to when we were standing in line at that movie theater, I was actually saying "hey" to the person right behind you.
Catherine: Can I ask you a question? Why is it then whenever I tell a guy to put it wherever they want, they always stick it in my ass?
Jake: That's way too much information for me, Catherine.
Catherine: Oh no Jake. Way too much information would be telling you that whenever they're done I always take a huge dump.
Catherine: On their chest.
Malik: Oh, that is whack.
Jake: She's right... Maybe you should get on that plane to Paris. Cause if you stay, we really only have the summer, then I go to college and we'll talk on the phone and spend the occasional weekend together which is nice. But chances are one night I'm gonna get wrecked and have unprotected sex with some girl in my dorm. You'll find her thong and call me a slut... I'll call you a cock-tease and we'll break up. So when you really think about it, what's the point?
Jake: How could Priscilla dump me, Jake Wyler? I mean who the hell does she think she is?
Austin: I got two words for ya, Jake: Prom Queen... Material.
Jake: Austin, she's an illusion. Ok, you take away the make-up, the clothes, the way she wears her hair, the smell of her perfume, that cute little face she makes when she's tonguing my balls. Look she's totally replaceable.
Anna: Okay, hypothetical situation: You're driving, it's late, you get to a red light in the middle of nowhere. Do you run the light? You see? You don't. You wait. Because a victimless crime is still a crime. It isn't worth it.
Kyle: Maybe it is. Maybe I run it. It depends.
Anna: On what?
Kyle: Am I trying to get somewhere important?
Lucas Lee: The only thing separating me from her is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass.
Curtis: You know what I hate about myself? I know what people taste like. I know babies taste the best.
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