Frank Adler: This is gonna be fun. You're gonna meet kids today you can borrow money from the rest of your life.
Evelyn: Midlife crisis, apparently.
Frank Adler: He's 70.
Evelyn: I know. Must have been on time delay or something.
Jake: No, not Janey Briggs. She's got glasses. And a ponytail. Ugh, she's got paint on her overalls. What is that?
Jake: Hey Janey. What's up?
Janey: Excuse me?
Jake: So listen, you ever wondered what it'd be like to be the most popular girl in school?
Janey: You mean anorexic, superficial, a bitch, a whore who lacks any real long-term goals?
Jake: Uhhh ha ha... Exactly. So, if you're interested, I thought that maybe we could go out sometime, be seen in public together.
Janey: You haven't spoken to me in, like, four years Jake.
Jake: Actually, it's more like six, because the time you're referring to when we were standing in line at that movie theater, I was actually saying "hey" to the person right behind you.
Catherine: Can I ask you a question? Why is it then whenever I tell a guy to put it wherever they want, they always stick it in my ass?
Jake: That's way too much information for me, Catherine.
Catherine: Oh no Jake. Way too much information would be telling you that whenever they're done I always take a huge dump.
Catherine: On their chest.
Malik: Oh, that is whack.
Jake: She's right... Maybe you should get on that plane to Paris. Cause if you stay, we really only have the summer, then I go to college and we'll talk on the phone and spend the occasional weekend together which is nice. But chances are one night I'm gonna get wrecked and have unprotected sex with some girl in my dorm. You'll find her thong and call me a slut... I'll call you a cock-tease and we'll break up. So when you really think about it, what's the point?