Quotes from Jack Lemmon movies and TV shows

C.C. Baxter: The mirror... It's broken.
Fran Kubelik: Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.

J.D. Sheldrake: Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?
C.C. Baxter: No, sir, it's very unfair... Especially to your wife.

C.C. Baxter: That's the way it crumbles... Cookie-wise.

C.C. Baxter: Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character, and as far as I'm concerned you're tops. I mean, decency-wise and otherwise-wise.

Margie MacDougall: Night like this, it sorta spooks you, walking into an empty apartment.
C.C. Baxter: I said I had no family; I didn't say I had an empty apartment.

Fran Kubelik: He's a taker.
C.C. Baxter: A what?
Fran Kubelik: Some people take, some people get took. And they know they're getting took and there's nothing they can do about it.

More The Apartment quotes

Jack Godell: I know the vibration was not normal.

More The China Syndrome quotes

Shelley Levene: What the hell are you? You're a fuckin' secretary. Fuck you. That's my message to ya: fuck you and you can kiss my ass and if you don't like it baby I'm going across the street to Jerry Graff, period, fuck you.

More Glengarry Glen Ross quotes

Max: Rise and shine, Professor.
Professor Fate: You rise! You shine.

Professor Fate: Sh-sh-sh-sh-shut up.

Cowboy: He's lucky Texas Jack ain't around... he'd gun that dude for sure.
Professor Fate: Pardon me, Mr. Pahd-nuh, who is this Texas Jack?
Cowboy: WHO'S texas jack?
Professor Fate: Who?
Cowboy: The roughest, toughest gunslinger in these parts... Lilly's his girl.
Professor Fate: Whoo, hoo, hoo... Lilly's his girl.
Max: Terrific.

Professor Fate: Leslie escaped?
General: With a small friar.
Professor Fate: Leslie escaped with a chicken?

Professor Fate: The world is mine.
Max: The world is ours.

Professor Fate: She's his Achilles heel, she's our ace in the hole - she must not be left behind.

Professor Fate: What's next?
Max: Car number five, the engine falls out.
Professor Fate: Car number five! Ha ha ha ha... Er, Max, we're number five.

Professor Fate: What'd I tell you? I said she'd win the race for us, the bubble-headed vixen.

More The Great Race quotes

John Gustafson: Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon.
Grandpa Gustafson: Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first.

John Gustafson: This milk has chunks in it.
Max Goldman: What's your point?

John Gustafson: Here, drop anchor.
Max Goldman: You cut the anchor you dumb ass.
John Gustafson: Alright, then grab the net.
Max Goldman: You cut that too you dick head.

Grandpa: I'm done.
John Gustafson: Pop, I really wish you'd try the low fat bacon.
Grandpa: Well you can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which gets filled first.

More Grumpier Old Men quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.