Carson Welch: The future isn't just something that happens. It's a brutal force with a great sense of humor that will steamroll you if you're not watching.
The Kid: So, as just a guy who gave another guy a sandwich, you have, like, any philosophical tips or anything, for a guy on a-kind of - road trip?
Don Johnston: You asking me?
The Kid: Yeah.
Don Johnston: Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future, isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is, is this. The present. That's it.
The Kid: Are you a Buddhist?
Don Johnston: Couldn't you have rented me, like a Porsche or some car that I might really drive? I'm a stalker in a Taurus.
Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald. Striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga gunga - gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
Sandy MacReedy: I want you to kill every gopher on the course.
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy MacReedy: Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even have to have a reason.
Mr. Fox: Mole! What d'you got?
Mole: I can see in the dark.
Mr. Fox: We can use that. Rabbit?
Rabbit: I'm fast.
Mr. Fox: Badger?
Badger: Demolitions expert.
Mr. Fox: What? Since when?
Garfield: I'm the king of the cul-de-sac. That's what I'm talking about. Jon and I have everything I could ever want. Food in the fridge. Cable and satellite. And don't forget, lasagna. That's right. It's good to be king.
Garfield: Come, my pumpkin windbag. We're ready to roll.
Winston: Roll? Where to?
Garfield: You know, to the hotel, to Jon.
Winston: Your master? The one who's leaving you for his new wife?
Garfield: He's not leaving me. It's more of a... temporary insanity thing.
Winston: Garfield, your master started a new life. It's time for you to begin yours. Come on, I wanna show you something.
Garfield: You know what, I've got two words for that guy: you're fired.
Winston: If only it were that simple, sire.