David Dobel: Since the beginning of time people have been, you know, frightened and, and unhappy, and they're scared of death, and they're scared of getting old, and there's always been priests around, and shamans, and now shrinks, to tell 'em, "Look, I know you're frightened, but I can help you. Of course, it is going to cost you a few bucks..." But they can't help you, Falk, because life is what it is.
David Dobel: The pill makes her crazy? Falk, she is crazy. The Pentagon should use her hormones for chemical warfare.
David Dobel: You know, Falk, if a guy comes out onstage at Carnegie Hall and throws up, you can always find some people who will call it art.
David Dobel: What you don't know, won't hurt you, it'll kill you. Like if they tell you you're going to shower but they turn out not to be showers.
Witness: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I've known Fielding Mellish for years and he's a warm, wonderful human being.
Fielding Mellish: Uh, would the clerk read that statement back please?
Court Clerk: "I've known Fielding Mellish for years and he's a rotten, conniving, dishonest little rat."
Fielding Mellish: Ok, I just wanted to make sure you were getting it.
Judge: You're out of order.
Fielding Mellish: You cannot bash in the head of an American citizen without written permission from the State Department.
Nancy: I want to go and work with pygmies in Africa... and I want to work with lepers in a leper colony. I don't think that you.
Fielding Mellish: I'm willing to... No, that's perfectly OK. I love leprosy! If that's what you're asking me... I'm perfectly willing to... I like leprosy, I like cholera. I like all the major skin diseases.
Fielding Mellish: Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?
Esposito: From this day on, the official language of San Marcos will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now... 16 years old.
Fielding Mellish: What's the Spanish word for straitjacket?
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