Quotes from John Malkovich movies and TV shows

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Professor Sandiford: Now, everyone don't be so hard on Jerome. He is attempting to achieve the impossible. He is trying to sing in his own voice using someone else's vocal cords.

Osborne Cox: You are the guy from the gym.
Ted Treffon: I don't represent Hardbodies.
Osborne Cox: I know very well what you represent. You represent the idiocy of today.
Ted Treffon: No, I don't represent that either.
Osborne Cox: You are part of a league of morons. Oh, yes. You see you're one of the morons I've been fighting my whole life. My whole, fucking life. But guess what. Today, I win.

Osborne Cox: Give me the CD!
Chad Feldheimer: As soon as you give us the money, dickwad!

Osborne Cox: No. No, I'm sorry, I don't know the number to, uh, my savings account because believe it or not I don't spend my entire day sitting around trying to memorize the fucking numbers to my fucking bank accounts! Moron!

Osborne Cox: If you ever carried out your proposed threat you would experience such a shitstorm of consequences my friend, your empty little head would be spinning faster than the wheels of your Schwinn bicycle back there.
Chad Feldheimer: Y-you think that's a Schwinn?

Osborne Cox: I have a drinking problem? Fuck you, Peck, you're a Mormon. Compared to you we ALL have a drinking problem!

Osborne Cox: Some clown, or two clowns, have gotten a hold of my memoirs.
Katie Cox: Your what?
Osborne Cox: Stolen it, or I don't know...
Katie Cox: Your what?
Osborne Cox: My memoirs, the book I'm writing.
Katie Cox: Well why in God's name would anyone think that's worth anything?

Billy: Have you lost your mind?
Cyrus: According to my last psyche evaluation, yes.

Vicomte de Valmont: Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?
Marquise de Merteuil: Immaturity?

Vicomte de Valmont: I ended by falling on my knees and pledging her eternal love. And do you know that, at that time, and for several hours afterwards, I actually meant it.

Vicomte de Valmont: Be careful of the Marquise de Merteuil.
Chevalier Danceny: You must permit me to treat with skepticism anything you have to say about her.
Vicomte de Valmont: Nevertheless, I must tell you in this affair, we are both her creatures, as I believe her letters to me will prove. When you have read them, you may decide to circulate them.

Vicomte de Valmont: You see, I have no intention of breaking down her prejudices. I want her to believe in God and virtue and the sanctity of marriage, and still not be able to stop herself. I want the excitement of watching her betray everything that's is most important to her. Surely you understand that. I thought betrayal was your favorite word.
Marquise de Merteuil: No, no..."cruelty." I always think that has a nobler ring to it.

Azolan: It's all very well to be sorry now.
Vicomte de Valmont: Let it be. He had good cause. I don't believe that's something anyone has ever been able to say about me.

Vicomte de Valmont: I often wonder how you manage to invent yourself.
Marquise de Merteuil: Well, I had no choice, did I? I'm a woman. Women are obliged to be far more skillful than men. You can ruin our reputation and our life with a few well-chosen words. So, of course, I had to invent, not only myself, but ways of escape no-one has every thought of before. And I've succeeded because I've always known I was born to dominate your sex and avenge my own.

Basie: What did you say your name was boy?
Jamie: Jamie and I'm building a man-flying kite and writing a book called Contract Bridge.
Basie: Jim. A new name for a new life.

Basie: Jim, didn't I teach you anything?
Jim: Yes! You taught me that people will do anything... for a potato.

Mitch Leary: Do you have what it takes to take a bullet, or is life too precious?
Frank Horrigan: Well, I'll be thinkin' about that when I'm pissin' on your grave.

Quentin Turnbull: You see, with weapons like these, one day we shall be able to level continents. But we'll have to content ourselves with starting small.

Quentin Turnbull: Explain it to me again, Burke.
Burke: There is no explanation. I gave the bastard two barrels in the chest. By all rights he should be as dead as Billy here.
Quentin Turnbull: Well, Jonah Hex doesn't know how to die. He'll have to be educated.
Burke: I have no problem educating the man.

King Charles II: The most advanced scientific instrument in western Europe. It cost £60,000. It tells the time in every corner of the globe. Understand? That is achievement. The man who did that was not continually pissed for the last three years.

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