Quotes from French Stewart movies and TV shows

Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner - S5-E6

Dick: Does anyone remember why we all decided to be white?
Harry: Oh, um, I went with white ‘cause I thought it'd be a little cooler in the summer.
Tommy: Well don't you remember, Dick? All the television signals that we picked up in outer space were filled with white people.
Sally: Oh, except for that, uh, that black nerd with the hiked-up pants and the oversized glasses. What was his name?
Tommy: Bryant Gumbel.
Sally: Right.

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Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner - S5-E6

Sally: If I could change the world, I'd make every guy look like Don.
Tommy: How would you tell which one was Don?
Sally: They wouldn't all be named Don, dumbass.
Harry: I wonder what I'd look like if I looked like Don.

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The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary - S5-E9

Tommy: [Reading a fortune from a cookie] "There is no substitute for hard work."
Dick: Ah, how true is that? Harry, what does yours say?
Harry: Oh, um, "Your life is like a kite, somehow."
Dick: Harry, did you eat yours again?
Harry: Yeah.

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Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner - S5-E6

[The Solomons are sitting in their car after attending a white power rally.]
Sally: Well it's a good thing Barry White wasn't there.
Harry: Those guys were kinda creepy.
Tommy: Why do you think they burned that giant lower-case letter T?
Dick: I don't want to be a part of any group that hates the lower-case letter T.

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Dick and Taxes - S4-E12

[The Solomons discover that they owe $9,500 in back-taxes.]
Tommy: $9,500?
Sally: Oh my god you guys, what are we gonna do?
Tommy: I mean look at all these receipts from all these meals. If we'd only talked about business during some of them we could write off all this money as deductions.
Dick: Who says we didn't talk about business?
Tommy: Yes, 'cause that's the only reason we ever go out to eat anyway, right, is to talk about business.
Sally: Business.
Harry: Okay, I must tune out because I never hear us talking about business.
Dick: Yes, we can lie on our taxes.
Tommy: I can't believe that no human has ever thought of this before.
Sally: Okay, wait a second you guys. What if we get caught?
Dick: How can we get caught? All those other dopes out there are telling the truth about their taxes, they're just going to assume that we are too.

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The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary - S5-E9

Harry: My name is Harry, and I'm an alcoholic.
Receptionist: Okay, this is Triple A.
Dick: So you refuse to help this man?

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The Art of Dick - S1-E11

Harry: Dick, I invented a new color. I combined red and yellow. I call it "redyellow." Can't wait to show it in art class.

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See Dick Continue to Run, Continued (3) - S2-E2

Evil Dick: Stay and witness my moment of glory, as I impregnate the entire population of Ohio with my demon progeny.
Tommy: Wait, wait. Even the men?
Evil Dick: Okay, not the men.
Sally: What about little girls?
Evil Dick: Mmm, no, not them.
Tommy: What about elderly women?
Evil Dick: I don't think so.
Harry: What about women who are already pregnant?
Evil Dick: Oh, shut up, all of you! Okay, so apparently I won't be impregnating the entire population of Ohio. But all fertile women of child-bearing age who are not currently pregnant, and that's a lot!

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The Big Giant Head Returns Again (1) - S5-E21

Dick: Hey Tommy, how was school?
Tommy: Terrible. I got hauled into the principal's office because of my grades.
Harry: What'd he do to ya?
Tommy: Made me Valedictorian. Apparently I have the best grades in the school, dammit.
Dick: But you barely ever go to class.
Tommy: I know. That's how stupid everyone else is. Dammit!

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Portrait of Tommy as an Old Man - S3-E19

Harry: Hey, what's the matter, Tommy?
Tommy: I have to write a twenty-page history paper by tomorrow.
Harry: Oh, that's tough.
Tommy: Oh, oh, and on top of that, George Kapasouris was waiting for me after school to beat me up 'cause I wouldn't let him cheat off my algebra test.
Harry: Whoa, so what'd you do, hop the fence and run home?
Tommy: Well no, I kicked his ass, but I mean, that's not the point. I shouldn't have to do that.

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Dick and Harry Fall Down a Hole - S5-E18

Dick: You're just sitting there happy as an idiot in Idiot Land on "Idiots Get In Free Day!"
Harry: OK, there's no such land, and I would know.

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Dick and Taxes - S4-E12

[The Solomons are doing their taxes for the first time.]
Dick: Alright, Form 10-40. First name: Dick. Last name: Solomon. And Mary said this would be complicated.
Sally: Dick this is so boring. Why are we doin' it?
Dick: Because Sally, this is what humans do. It's like their national pastime. And you don't want us to stand out.
Harry: Hey, you know what'd be funny? Where it says "Sex," write "frequently."
Sally: That's a good one Harry.
Dick: They don't ask for your sex here.
Harry: Hmm. Well if there's any place that you can indicate that you like to have frequent sex, I think it's worth doing.
Sally: Farm income or loss. So did our farm show a profit last year?
Dick: No, we're Schedule F.
Tommy: Wait wait, we didn't have a farm last year.
Harry: We lost the farm? No!
Dick: Line 14, other gains or losses.
Tommy: I gained two lbs.
Sally: I lost my virginity.
Harry: Hey, there's your opportunity for that frequent sex thing if you wanna just throw it in.
Dick: Enter itemized deductions from Page 3, Schedule C, Line 2 to the extent they are allowable on Schedule A Form 10-40 NR.
Sally: Enter the larger of your itemized deductions from Line 28 or standard deduction shown on the left. My left or its left?
Tommy: See Page 30 to find your standard deduction if you've checked any box on Line 35-A or 35-B or if someone can claim you as a dependent.
[The entire family is shown to be very confused and the scene transitions to a short time later.]
Harry: I'm telling you, there is no Schedule B.
Tommy: There has to be, dammit!
Dick: I don't understand this, I'm a superior being. I can calculate the decaying orbit of a dying moon to within a tenth of an inch. Why can't I calculate the subtotal of Line 59-A? Why can't I find Line 59-A? Where the hell is Line 59-A!?
Sally: Calm down.
Dick: [begins tearing up his tax forms.] I can't take this anymore! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! [Suddenly finds Line 59-A.] Oh here it is. Everybody just settle down.

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When Aliens Camp - S3-E25

Harry: Alright, I'm off to the gyro stand.
Dick: Harry, it's "yeeros."
Harry: You know if one more person tells me how to pronounce it, I'm just gonna stop eating 'em.

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When Aliens Camp - S3-E25

[Harry and Dick bump into each other while carrying a trout and a jar of peanut butter, respectively.]
Dick: You got your trout in my peanut butter!
Harry: Your peanut butter got on my trout!
[Both taste the combined flavors.]
Dick and Harry: Not bad.

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Dial M for Dick - S5-E4

Sally: I don't get it. For free, murder is a horrible tragedy, but you charge $100 for it, and suddenly it's a sophisticated night out.
Tommy: But it's inappropriate for kids.
Dick: This world does need more entertainment that's acceptable for children.
Harry: Something where people are nice to each other. Something where people can just love one another.
Tommy: They have that. It's called pornography.
Dick: Then that's what kids should watch.

Bishop73

Angry Dick - S1-E13

Sally: Dick, what's wrong?
Dick: I don't know. There's an odd sensation moving through my body. [Groans] Who the hell does that stupid sack of fat think he is anyway?!
Harry: Dick?
Dick: I have a plan.
Sally: Remember, we're not allowed to liquify humans.
Dick: OK. I have another plan.

Bishop73

Superstitious Dick - S4-E16

Dick: Can any of you come up with a reasonable scenario in which throwing out a piece of mail would result in having your ribs broken by a floor waxer?
Harry: Absolutely. The guy who was waxing the floor thought you were throwing out his paycheck.
Dick: No. The guy with the waxer knew nothing about it.
Tommy: Then why were you throwing out his paycheck?
Dick: No. There was no paycheck.
Sally: No paycheck? Well, no wonder the waxer dude went psycho on you.

Bishop73

Dick Jokes - S2-E11

Dick: You know, it's a remarkable feeling to be able to make someone else laugh. It's almost as if you have the power to get inside their brain and, and tickle it.
Harry: Pssh. I could do that with a chopstick.
Dick: Imagine how different war would be if instead of trying to kill each other, people just showed up armed with jokes.
Sally: But you could still have guns, right? Because, you know, eventually you'd stop laughing and want to get on with the killing.

Bishop73
More 3rd Rock from the Sun quotes

Dr. Earl Dopler: I love my country. Now give me the watch so I can go to Costa Rica.

More Clockstoppers quotes

Marv Merchants: Well, prison isn't so bad. We do get salisbury steak on Wednesdays.

More Home Alone 4 quotes

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