Doctor Flamond: You see, a year ago, I was close to perfecting the first magnetic desalinization process so revolutionary, it was capable of removing the salt from over 500 million gallons of seawater a day. Do you realize what that could mean to the starving nations of the earth?
Nick Rivers: Wow. They'd have enough salt to last forever.
Mr. Nobody: It's ironic, isn't it? The Old Testament had a wrathful God, but people became uneasy with the concept, needed a best seller, so they came up with a New Testament. Suddenly God was loving and forgiving. I'm old-school, myself. I prefer the Old Testament. I mean you've got to love a God who's not afraid to mete out a little vengeance when the need arises.
Mentor: You think a cop gives a fuck about a pimp? Listen. Every pimp in the world gets shot. Two in the back of the fuckin' head. Cops'd throw a party, man.
Willow: What are you doing?
Madmartigan: I found some blackroot. She loves it.
Willow: Blackroot? I am the father of two children and you never, ever give a baby blackroot.
Madmartigan: Well my mother raised us on blackroot. It's good for you. Puts hair on your chest. Doesn't it, Sticks?
Willow: Her name is not Sticks. She's Elora Danan, the future empress of Tir Asleen and the last thing she's gonna want is a hairy chest.
John Holmes: And those people at Wonderland? They'll never laugh at me again. They got theirs with a lead pipe, and I'm still here surviving.
Ron Launius: What the fuck am I going to do with a microwave?
John Holmes: You can heat food with it.
Ron Launius: The only thing I want to heat up right now is some dope.
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